Just Add Stars to Ruin a Horror Film

The Invasion (2007)

The fourth movie version, based on Jack Finney’s novel ‘Invasion of the Bodysnatchers’ received a critical mauling on it’s opening. Audiences stayed away, and it was generally considered a film damaged from conception, recut to producer’s notes to add more car chases and action, pulling it away from the original focus of a mother’s love for her son, which no doubt was the concept supported by Kidman the star, and the director. While the meddling of moneymen in the narrative is obvious in the film’s random hops from scene to scene, to flashbacks to flashforwards- however stylistically done, too jarring to be on purpose, the main surprise is how entertaining the final film remains, and how no one has commented on how Kidman’s presence would always overbalance a genre film in the first place.
Stars by their very nature neuter and mainstream ideas(some may argue Kidman is an actress but the film was greenlit and sold on her star wattage), and horror/sci-fi which prides itself in breaking new ground, and pushing taboos, will always suffer at the hands of a star. Think Jack Nicholson in Wolf(1994), Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds(2005, although Speilberg’s power kept this roughly balanced), or Robert de Nero in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein(1994). All of these were pasteurized views where stars think they’re brave for stretching themselves, but actually, fear of alienating their audience means they go nowhere near as far as they should. Kidman, I’m sure signed up because of the mother angle, the director( who is far less powerful in the scheme of things) probably made a mildly sinister art film with a few flecks of sci-fi, similar to Kidman’s other movies Birth(2004), and The Others(2001), the studio panicked when they saw what they had and rather than throw gore at it, as in the case of Halloween 2(1981), The Wolfman(2010), or Exorcist 4(2004), added action to keep the certificate PG-13.

I often joke with my wife after we’ve watched a classic film that it was good but there weren’t enough car chases. The Invasion takes my bad joke seriously- there are two, numerous foot chases, gun battles and an almost Ramboish helicopter rescue. These proliferate the second half of the film and dispel the growing tension of the first. This, it must be said is the weakest of the four adaptations, and yet the concept is so strong, and the tropes so well established by now from previous versions- fear of sleep, police rounding people up, people changing while asleep, that it still works. Sadly, compared to the 70s version, which showed scarily what special effects could do with the idea, or even Abel Ferrara’s gorily messy if more cartoonish effects, we never see a full transformation or human destruction. A couple of scenes aside, there are hardly any effects and nothing to compare with the mutated dog or pod screams so memorable from the Sutherland version, or even the fear of a loved one taken over, shown by Kevin McCarthy in the original.
The acting is good, Kidman was a great choice as since the late 90s she can convey an icy presence of indifference with which she fools the aliens(not pod people- the pods are conspicuous by their absence), and also fitted well into the remake of the Stepford Wives for the same reason. Daniel Craig is solid, and displays the charisma that made him Bond( for nerds, there is an unexpected pleasure seeing him and Jeffrey Wright as a different kind of best friends). Probably the greatest fault, is that like Northam, he never feels that different once changed(the scream is missed again), but that seems to be one of the ideas that this version explodes more than its predecessors- that this is a good alternative and would improve the world, stopping rape, murder, war etc. There is also a nice cameo from professional woman in distress, Veronica Cartwright which provides some needed ties to the franchises past.
Possibly the most damning mistake that this version makes though is in its happy ending, not only do the humans win, but previously infected people are turned back with no ill effects, merely to provide Kidman with a last family shot. Even Ferrara’s version kept an ambiguous ending and to my mind the one they chose, is second only as the kiss of death to a horror movie, to ‘it was only a dream.’ John Ottman’s score deserves special mention for providing music above the material it’s supporting. This is also the first version without a decent target, if the original move could be read as a right wing fear of Communism or a left wing fear of suburban zombies, the second, of the counterculture, the third, militarism and a teenagers distrust of adults, the fourth seemingly can only come up with ‘the power of a mother’s love against all odds,’ which while sweet, doesn’t really cut it. 5/10

And the little boy's called Erick....the Viking

Outlander(2008) Review

Outlander includes a lot of ingredients that we’ve seen before in other, better known films, infact its narrative is well worn as a genre staple. However, it’s done with such enthusiasm and good spirit that it draws you in, and leaves you glad that you made the effort. Described as primarily a mash-up of Beowolf(2007) and Predator(1987), the plot also has liberal sprinklings of plot devices and stylistic echoes from Alien 3(1992), Pitch Black(2000) and The 13th Warrior(1999) to name the most obvious.
It starts with almost a direct lift of the opening sequences from The Thing(1982), and the aforementioned Predator, as an out of control spacecraft enters the Earth’s atmosphere and crash lands( in this case, Norway in 900 AD, near a Viking encampment). The hero, Kainan, manages to get out and gets to shore while the ship goes down in a lake(Planet of the Apes(1969) anyone?). From then on the film slots pretty smoothly in to the well worn narrative you expect.
Kainan comes across a massacred village, gets caught by some Vikings and is initially suspected of the crime, even though it’s pretty obvious a huge and vicious creature did this- there are even huge claw marks all over the place. He also loses his futuristic weapon setting him up for having to adapt the weapons of the time to later kill the beast.
The film works because the characters are given a chance to develop and even prove the audiences’ assumptions wrong, Kainan is responsible for what happened in the past, and arguably now, and is more than aware of it. Wulfric(played with spirit by Jack Huston, but still coming across like a GAP model trying to butch up), the King’s son, initially comes across as a war hungry egotist who we think is going to be as much of a threat as the creature, but ultimately forms a strong bond with Kainan. In the same vein, Ron Perlman and John Hurt(both having fun, the later especially, in a more action orientated role than usual) start off as misguided tyrants to an extent, but both heroically show how they value the lives of their respective tribes.
It’s actually refreshing to have a resolutely B movie, give its audience a little credit intellectually by not spelling out everyones’ motivations in the first five minutes, or have a character with exposition to make sure no one is lost. In a way, we almost learn about the creature at the same speed as the Vikings and are drip fed information about its motivations, past and capabilities. It is also a relief not to have any twists or false endings for a change. Outlander is very classical in this sense. It gives us the red herrings of a bear taking the blame for the deaths, although we and Kainan know it wasn’t responsible( like the dockyard Tiger shark caught in Jaws(1975)), the elaborate trap that nearly captures the beast, and the mild reveal that anyone whose read or seen Beowolf( or Jaws 3(1983) for that matter) should have seen coming.
If anything, there are too many dark scenes, probably to make the most out of the effects, it can be cheesy at times(the small child who adores Kainan), the prepacked family unit at the film’s end, and does seem to lose momentum a little in the middle. Accents range from all over Europe to Sophia Myles classically trained Rada student, while someone apparently forgot to tell Perlman he had to bring one. However against this it has decent acting, although Perlman’s character should have stayed around longer, a great rousing score, nice creature design(looking like a cousin of The Relic(1997),all of the Viking checkboxes get nicely ticked off, and most intriguingly is the environmental message lurking at its heart. And just when you begin to feel overly comfortable with it, it throws up one of the nastiest, ‘being eaten alive’ scenes I’ve seen in a while, then cuts away, and then carries on with it. For this alone it has to be applauded, and while you can’t help thinking that Kirk Douglas would have killed the creature on his first attempt, this is a great Friday night flick deserving of wider appreciation. 8/10( with at least one point for the ‘eaten alive’ scene).

The Fly 2 Review

The Fly 2 (1989)

I bought the Fly 2 on video when it was released. This wasn’t so much a comment on the film itself as on Cronenberg’s fantastic and justifiably lauded remake. I am still a huge fan of The Fly(1986), and think it’s one of the best remakes of a classic 50s sci-fi movie, one of the best remakes in general, and one of the best horror films of the 1980s. Because let’s not be misunderstood here. The Fly is a horror movie with sci-fi trappings, as opposed to a sci-fi film with horrific elements. In the genre it fits in snuggly with Carpenter’s The Thing(1982) and Alien(1979), and also carries on Cronenberg’s oft noted obsession with body horror at the time.
The Fly 2 by comparison can best be described as a solid sequel. At the time, this came across as a detriment, a reference to its uninspiring retread of the first story with a larger scope, more gore, and younger leads. I myself was disappointed on first viewing and remained frustratingly unsatisfied on following ones. Ironically it reminded me of Jaws 2, an expansion of situations and cast, with a younger demographic, which tried to rack up the body count at the expense of true horror and dread.
The original after all, was basically a play, a three hander mainly set in Brundle’s lab/home, no one died(although a couple of people were nastily mutilated), and it ended as a horrifyingly romantic tragedy, with Davis weeping after killing Goldblum’s character. It was Beauty and the Beast, where the beast turns on her in the end, forcing a loved one to dispatch them, shades of The Wolfman(1941). In contrast, The Fly 2 has several gory deaths, a large cast and several locations. Yet ironically, at no point was I worried about what was going to happen next. Partly because I didn’t have the emotional investment with Martin and Beth that I’d had with Seth and Ronnie, partly because this was a more audience friendly Fly- it kills people, but only those who deserve it. It pats dogs and even looks cuter, and more human( more like a giant Gremlin than the evilly twitching, and totally alien, original Brundlefly). This is unsurprising, as Chris Walas, who deservedly won an Oscar for his effects in the first film is hemmed in by his happy ending, and by keeping Martin’s character heroic. When Martin changes into the Fly(going into a very Gremlin like cocoon- unsurprising as Walas did the effects for that film too), he keeps his human intellect, unlike his father who gradually lost his. This is a fly with a purpose though, but like the shark in Jaws:The Revenge, this takes away from its threat and makes it very hard to suspend disbelief. We can just about buy a man turning into a monster, but a man turning into a monster who still thinks, and occasionally acts like a man. That’s a harder sell, and much less fun. We want our protagonists tortured and out of control like David Naughton’s character in An American Werewolf in London. The Fly 2 can be seen as less horror movie, and more superhero film.It’s ‘Flyman,’ out to right wrongs, free damsals in distress, and bring the villains to justice, or a sticky end.
Don’t get me wrong though, the film has its moments, Eric Stolz and Daphne Zuniga, make the most of underwritten roles, and are sympathetic. Lee Richardson has great fun as the corporate villain, while John Gertz in a cameo, steals all the best lines in just 5 minutes. Walas directs as suspensefully as the script allows him and pulls off a couple of good scares. I loved the doctor’s corpse thrown at the security guard who opens the door- possibly a reference to the original Thing From Another World(1955), and the crowd- pleasing, crushed head by the lift. Sadly Scorby’s death seems lifted from a Friday 13th movie, and isn’t nearly as gruesome as he deserves, but the fate of Bartok is a well deserved twist in a serviceable script written by Frank Darabont(who’d just come off the excellent Blob remake, and was the John Sayles of scripting pithy horror remakes at the time).
In the end, The Fly 2 takes too long to get going, has too many(ie, more than zero) cute moments, and doesn’t take enough risks. However, it does do it’s job and wraps up the franchise’s loose ends. It’s a solid sequel, in the best meaning of the phrase. And sometimes that’s enough. 7/10

Hell's Angels

Psychomania Review

Psychomania is a very, very odd 1971 British horror movie. When I first saw it years ago as a teenager, I’ll be honest, I thought it was terrible. Now, I think it may be a work of genius. I was lucky enough to see it in London a couple of years ago as part of a 1970s British horror season. Before it, in a double-bill, they showed one of Hammer’s Dracula movies that elicited a hushed respect. As Psychomania began it was interesting for me to watch the audience, and see fidgeting break out, whispering and early tittering giving way by the mid-point of the film to open giggling. Tom, the suspiciously posh leader of the aptly named Living Dead biker gang, might be very unthreatening, but he’s got two things going for him. A gang of mainly morons who’ll do anything he says-even kill themselves to come back as law breaking zombies, and a mother who made a pact with the Devil so can handily arrange this for him. It’s hard to know where to start with describing the film, it simply emanates strangeness. The opening credits play over what looks like a montage of some drug hazed motorcycle proficiency test video, all the deaths( and there are lots of them) are bloodless, while the suicides come off as unintentionally hilarious. Like most horror movies of this period- see The Wicker Man and Blood on Satan’s Claw for further proof, there is a folksong sing-along segued in, amusingly to Tom being buried upright on his motorbike. Beryl Reed, (who seems far too Cockney to be Tom’s mother, unless she bundled him off to a public school at a very early age- “allo, darling”), George Sanders(who killed himself after making this), and Robert Hardy, trying out a very odd Northern accent help proceedings along. There’s a strange emphasis on words, and fake gravitas applied to questions-“you’ve been in the locked room again.” The soundtrack is gothic religious synthesizers predating Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom by a good fifteen years, and the end, although signposted is still a great-‘what the hell just happened ’ moment. I also like to think that James Cameron got his police station invasion scene in The Terminator from this, even if he didn’t. All in all, this needs to be experienced( and I do mean experienced rather than just seen). Personally, I get fonder of it every time I see it. 7/10

The Children DVD Review

The Children (2008)

Yet another great little British horror movie, with more scares per minute than most Hollywood product have in their entire running time. Unlike the previously reviewed Isolation, this revolves around a situation so mundane, it gives an added frission once events start spiraling out of control. Basically two upper middle class( and because of it, slightly annoying in their perfectly contented lives, although still realistic), sisters, with their husbands and children gather for a Christmas holiday, in an idyllic but seculded, snow covered country house. Things start small with the usual family disagreements. The eldest child, and heroine to an extent, is Casey, the teenager who’d rather be at a party with friends than here playing happy families and babysitting. Hannah Tointon gives her a great believability, swinging from selfishness and burgeoning sexuality- (that skirt can’t get much shorter, and her tattoo is a secret kept from her parents), to a mother defending fighter when the chips are down. Also her mother still calling her Mouse, shows she’s not so long from childhood herself, a point brought home in the chillingly open ending. The other children start getting sick starting with the youngest- they range from about six to ten in age, from some unseen virus. Cleverly this echoes one of the mother’s fears about illness, and the other husband’s get rich scheme about shipping Chinese medicine. The director also plays on audience expectations that it’s actually difficult to tell when a child turns psychotic, as any family is an environment of controlled chaos, with potential ( and some life-threatening), accidents lurking around every corner. There are many subtle touches among the later carnage, such as the children playing with, and later hanging up the cat’s collar in their camp- an uneasy sign that they have slipped into psychosis. Once in full swing, this also contains several scenes of child death ( normally through self-defense by adults), that you could never see this being green-lit in America, where this is taboo territory above all else. Although it is not gloated about, but handled in the matter of fact way of survival, of not just the fittest, but the most vicious and sneaky. This is worsened by the children still acting as though they’re only playing games. The ending, with the appearance of all of the other (neighborhood?) children in the woods, may be unrealistic, but then again, does explain why the emergency services haven’t turned up. This could be a nationwide pandemic, or even a localized outbreak, and perhaps a 28 weeks later expanded scope sequel is needed. 9/10

Doomsday(2008) Review

Coming after two great films- Dog Soldiers and The Descent, and with an elevated budget and name cast, Doomsday, Neil Marshall’s third film had the weight of expectation on its shoulders. Unfortunately it flopped badly not only here, but in England. To be honest, although personally I really enjoyed it, I can see why. Firstly, although purposely a homage to the movies Marshall loved growing up- Escape from New York, Mad Max, Aliens, it is still derivative to the point where even if it is well done, we’ve already seen it done before, and often better. Secondly, it’s also a bit of a mess structure wise. After a strong opening, it gets bogged down in a flabby middle section visiting Malcolm McDowell for no real reason other than for the running time, before seemingly remembering what it’s doing at the end. Escape from New York by contrast was a lesson in narrative economy which never lost focus. Rhona Mitra makes a good heroine and has just about enough personality to keep you interested(she obviously looks gorgeous), but the most memorable parts are by old pros Hoskins, McDowell, and Craig Conway as Sol, probably an Englishman’s worst nightmare. The greatest fun comes from Marshall’s slightly off the wall sense of humour- the stained glass and curtains in McDowell’s castle decorated with Bio-Hazard signs, Sol dancing to The Fine Young Cannibals(apt), Adam Ant, and Bad Manners before cooking and carving up Sean Pertwee in the film’s most stomach churning scene. A rabbit being blown away by smart guns, and a Mad Max 2 vehicle standoff to Two Tribes by Frankie goes to Hollywood. Marshall has to be applauded for creating a genuinely British blockbuster, which can match anything in Hollywood for style and action. There are great little moments of gore and nods to his horror past, like someone having their hand crushed in a door, the infected themselves, and some wonderful genre splicing moments with Medieval Knights chasing a Bently, that is almost Gilliam like and reminded me of Time Bandits. Infact, Marshall has an eye every bit as good as Gilliam, but like that director, needs to be careful not to fall prey to his own excesses. Is it coincidence that Gilliam works best under the studio system he hates so much. Also with talent this big, I want original Neil Marshall ideas. I want his zombie movie set on an oil rig, not pastiches, however well done, to other filmmakers. He’s better than that, and deserves to be copied himself. 8/10

The Fourth Protocol (1986)

Established movie wisdom has it that Michael Caine made his name and a couple of handfuls of classic movies in the 1960s and early 70s, moved to Hollywood, and partly through necessity, partly through bad choices made some real stinkers in the 1980s before career and critical resurrection from the mid-90s onwards, starting with Little Voice. The reality of course is more complicated. Caine made bad films in the 60s and good films in the 80s, it’s just that the majority of his memorably bad movies come from the later period- think Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, The Island and Jaws The Revenge. However, among the rough were also gems like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and in my opinion, The Fourth Protocol. I hadn’t seen this film for years but certain scenes were still stuck in my imagination- Caine’s drunk act to mask his break-in at the film’s start(a very well done, suspenseful but realistic scene), Brosnan’s killing of Cassidy straight after sex, and The Day of the Jackal type ending. Directed by John Mackenzie who made the classic, The Long Good Friday, and scripted by Fredrick Forsyth himself from his own novel. The film was also coaxed into life by Caine who takes a producer’s credit. Unsurprisingly then, it’s as British as a stick of rock, boasting a recognizable gallery of Brit character actors this side of a Harry Potter film, and oddly, Ned Beatty playing a Russian. Caine is great, and you could imagine that this is Harry Palmer still in service 20 years after The Ipcress File, having discovered contact lenses. The tone is cynical and comes across as similar to John le Care with more action, nobody seems to be trustworthy or who they appear, save Caine, and as he says to Ian Richardson( doing a warm-up for Francis Urquhart), ‘it’s all a fucking game to you….you don’t care about people.’ Also, Brosnan gives a standout performance as a Russian agent with ice for blood, a clear 9 years before becoming Bond, and you can’t help wishing he’d have been a bit more like this in that role, as he emotionlessly dispatches any perceived threat, and also has a kinkily animalistic sexuality to him. Joanna Cassidy gets another seriously thankless role which mainly asks her to lay around dead and topless which also gives proceedings a slightly distasteful edge. Of course, for me, there was a lot of joy in playing spot the English location as Cassidy is picked up by Brosnan outside The Royal Albert Hall, we have a car chase in Ipswich, and best of all having come from the area, Caine rushing to catch the Liverpool Street to Colchester train. Not exceptional but a solid little thriller, that like Caine’s character might not be pretty or subtle, but does its job. 7/10