Fever all through the night

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever(2009)

Cabin Fever 2 is not so much a film that was released, as escaped, and you could say that the escape was only partially successful as it was on one screen for only one show in Austin, TX, two years after it was made. I went to this screening that the director himself had boycotted after having his film taken away and re-cut, expecting a train wreck. Instead, I got an unloved mongrel of a film, as much slapstick comedy as gory horror. It’s not remotely scary but must be admired for how determinedly it tests the audiences’ gag reflex. The gore effects are good, but unlike the original, we don’t really get the time to see them fester before people die, apart from the bus/genitals/ swimming pool highlights. I actually preferred it to Eli Roth’s original, because whereas the original left me feeling cheated by its moments of absurdity, this pinned out its comedy credentials from the onset, as much Porky’s(1982) as Bodymelt(1993). In fact, that’s wrong, there’s also a strong dash of John Hughes, and the real shame about CF2, is that when it’s good, in the teenage anxiety of the first half, it promises to be a much better film than it turns out to be. We could also have done without(unless perhaps in a cameo at the start or in a gruesome death), the return of Sheriff Winston from the first film. Annoyingly, it seems at one stage as though he’s going to grow from comic relief into hero, ala Ash in The Evil Dead trilogy, or Malcolm in Jurassic Park(1993), only for this to be thrown away in favor of tension sapping comedy scenes, to cut away to, every time the Crazies(1973) like ending shows signs of getting suspenseful. CF2 then feels strangely unfinished but also overburdened with unnecessary subplots, but it definitely deserves a dvd rental, and sadly is still more fun than most of the horror movies that get released. And although a 28 Weeks Later(2007) third part seems offered at the end, we’re probably not that interested to warrant one. 5/10

Wax On, Wax Off.

The Karate Kid (1984)

Even 25 years after the fact, watching The Karate Kid for the first time, I can see why it became a hit with teenagers everywhere, and also despair at the fact that it puts most modern teenage movies to shame (come to think of it most modern movies are remakes of the old ones), despite being Rocky Jr. Same director, same soundtrack composer, and you can hear Stallone in many of Ralph Macchio’s utterances, especially when trying to woo Elizabeth Shue. I half expected him to shout, “Yo Adrian, I did it,” at the end. It’s been stated before but what keeps KK from sinking into the mire of straight to dvd releases, and differentiates it, is the relationship between Daniel and Mr Miyagi which is a sweet natured if hard to believe friendship. Shue adds the usual polished performance from this period and Cagney and Lacey’s Martin Kove, on his second most memorable villain duty after Rambo 2, makes a hilariously hissable baddy- even his club has an evil name. Like Rocky, it also deservedly spawned a fistful of sequels, but the original deserves to share shelf space with Back to the Future and Ghostbusters as one of the 80s best. 9/10 Also, Bananarama featured on a soundtrack isn’t exactly commonplace even in English movies of the time, and cheered me up that they got the work

The Witching Hour is Upon Us.

Trick R Treat (2008)

Praised to the rafters by all who’ve seen it, yet left on a shelf for two years by it’s myopic distributer, Trick R Treat finally escapes to dvd. And while it is unfair that it misses out on a totally deserved theatrical release( it puts 90% of horror movies in cinemas to shame with the quality of its cast, script, look and direction), it probably has found its true home, where it can become a holiday fixture to replace John Carpenter’s Halloween(1978), which has been doing all of the heavy lifting single handedly for 30 years. Basically an anthology in the Creepshow(1982) guise, complete with animated inserts, it also brings back happy memories of the best episodes of the Tales from the Crypt series. The joy is that also unlike similar films, no particular story stands out as weak, although the serial killer/werewolf strands could have taken more time, at least they don’t get boring. Brian Cox’s fight with a demon and the ghosts of the murdered children are superior, but it’s also refreshing how the stories both stand alone but also support and guide each other. As stated, the look and color scheme is beautiful mixes of blacks and oranges, the humor complimentary(I was reminded of An American Werewolf in London(1981) and it’s nice to end a film wanting a sequel for a change. 9/10

Diesel Power

Hush(2008)

A great little British horror movie which plays out like a cross between Road Games(1981), and Breakdown(1997). Making a virtue of not showing its villain’s face or having him talk, it apes Halloween(1978) and Friday 13th (1981) in a couple of scenes while keeping it grittily real. Low budget it may be but never short of ideas, the script is well written, especially the couple’s argument early on. It never lags and the last twenty minutes is nerve-racking, nail-biting with a wonderfully abrupt finish. The only downside is that the story isn’t particularly original, but when it’s remixed as well as this with such a menacingly English twang, who cares? 8/10

O' Toole all at Sea

Lord Jim (1965)

Lord Jim desperately wants to be Laurence of Arabia. Indeed, it could be subtitled ‘Laurence 2: In the Navy,’ so slavish is its devotion to aping that classic epic. Peter O’Toole too, runs through the gamut of emotions as another sensitive, tortured Englishman who is far more under threat from his own doubts than any outside influences. As you’d expect, the cinematography is stunning, the performances good, although Jack Hawkins seems drafted in simply to remind us of Laurence again, while Eli Wallach looking like Ming the Merciless’s thuggish younger brother, and Curd Jurgens doing his best Peter Lorre, keep things chugging along in an action packed but still stodgy middle section. After this the story seems over, but of course a 60s epic with O’Toole can’t have a happy ending so there is an almost tagged on 30 minutes where James Mason unrecognizable under a bowler and beard (until he opens his mouth), turns up for a juicy character part and no other real reason than to creatively force Jim’s assisted suicide, even though this again makes little sense. So, I’m glad I saw it on the big screen in its 70mm splendor, but unlike Laurence this isn’t an epic to repeat. 6/10

Alien 4: Resurrection

On the back of watching Alien 1,2 and 3 in the theater this summer as part of the excellent Paramount Summer Series and Alamo big screen Classics, I rented Alien 4 to round things out.

In this installment, we fast forward 200 years since the alien was disposed of by Ripley on Fiorina 161 in the classic (Terminator) jump into a pit of molten metal . The basic premise is similar in some sense to Aliens, in that man has (again) underestimated the alien, this time trying to tame it in a laboratory so it can be used as a military weapon. Ripley has been genetically re-engineered from blood on the prison planet from the previous installment. She is a hybrid human that given birth to the alien and then is inexplicably kept alive - (and ultimately will help to kill it off)

The ruff tuff group of mercanaries replace the marines of Aliens and the prison folk of Alien 3. The characters are the usual standard ones: the smart one, the pretty one, the harderened fighter, the mechanic (handicapped here) and the I dont care about anyone guy (my favourite). The one character I was not buying was Winona Ryder as the cyborg - she just didnt ring true as a female bishop. The usual stuff happens - alien escapes, kills everything in sight and starts to breed. The twist this time is that the ship gets pointed on a course for earth meaning tradgey if the alien makes it (we will have to watch alien 5 - the real tradgedy). Fortunately the mercanaries escape and destroy the ship and all the aliens although there are some twists and turns at the end. I think if you are a die hard fan you will like this, but to be honest things were nicely wrapped up after Alien 3 and we could have lived without a fourth installment.

I once said to Simon, has there ever been a series where #4 was just fantastic..Police Academy 4, jaws 4, Rambo 4 are all turds (although Rambo is a lot of fun). I had high hopes for Terminator Salvation, but was let down. Overall I am giving a 5/10 because there was nothing new here really.

Just Add Stars to Ruin a Horror Film

The Invasion (2007)

The fourth movie version, based on Jack Finney’s novel ‘Invasion of the Bodysnatchers’ received a critical mauling on it’s opening. Audiences stayed away, and it was generally considered a film damaged from conception, recut to producer’s notes to add more car chases and action, pulling it away from the original focus of a mother’s love for her son, which no doubt was the concept supported by Kidman the star, and the director. While the meddling of moneymen in the narrative is obvious in the film’s random hops from scene to scene, to flashbacks to flashforwards- however stylistically done, too jarring to be on purpose, the main surprise is how entertaining the final film remains, and how no one has commented on how Kidman’s presence would always overbalance a genre film in the first place.
Stars by their very nature neuter and mainstream ideas(some may argue Kidman is an actress but the film was greenlit and sold on her star wattage), and horror/sci-fi which prides itself in breaking new ground, and pushing taboos, will always suffer at the hands of a star. Think Jack Nicholson in Wolf(1994), Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds(2005, although Speilberg’s power kept this roughly balanced), or Robert de Nero in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein(1994). All of these were pasteurized views where stars think they’re brave for stretching themselves, but actually, fear of alienating their audience means they go nowhere near as far as they should. Kidman, I’m sure signed up because of the mother angle, the director( who is far less powerful in the scheme of things) probably made a mildly sinister art film with a few flecks of sci-fi, similar to Kidman’s other movies Birth(2004), and The Others(2001), the studio panicked when they saw what they had and rather than throw gore at it, as in the case of Halloween 2(1981), The Wolfman(2010), or Exorcist 4(2004), added action to keep the certificate PG-13.

I often joke with my wife after we’ve watched a classic film that it was good but there weren’t enough car chases. The Invasion takes my bad joke seriously- there are two, numerous foot chases, gun battles and an almost Ramboish helicopter rescue. These proliferate the second half of the film and dispel the growing tension of the first. This, it must be said is the weakest of the four adaptations, and yet the concept is so strong, and the tropes so well established by now from previous versions- fear of sleep, police rounding people up, people changing while asleep, that it still works. Sadly, compared to the 70s version, which showed scarily what special effects could do with the idea, or even Abel Ferrara’s gorily messy if more cartoonish effects, we never see a full transformation or human destruction. A couple of scenes aside, there are hardly any effects and nothing to compare with the mutated dog or pod screams so memorable from the Sutherland version, or even the fear of a loved one taken over, shown by Kevin McCarthy in the original.
The acting is good, Kidman was a great choice as since the late 90s she can convey an icy presence of indifference with which she fools the aliens(not pod people- the pods are conspicuous by their absence), and also fitted well into the remake of the Stepford Wives for the same reason. Daniel Craig is solid, and displays the charisma that made him Bond( for nerds, there is an unexpected pleasure seeing him and Jeffrey Wright as a different kind of best friends). Probably the greatest fault, is that like Northam, he never feels that different once changed(the scream is missed again), but that seems to be one of the ideas that this version explodes more than its predecessors- that this is a good alternative and would improve the world, stopping rape, murder, war etc. There is also a nice cameo from professional woman in distress, Veronica Cartwright which provides some needed ties to the franchises past.
Possibly the most damning mistake that this version makes though is in its happy ending, not only do the humans win, but previously infected people are turned back with no ill effects, merely to provide Kidman with a last family shot. Even Ferrara’s version kept an ambiguous ending and to my mind the one they chose, is second only as the kiss of death to a horror movie, to ‘it was only a dream.’ John Ottman’s score deserves special mention for providing music above the material it’s supporting. This is also the first version without a decent target, if the original move could be read as a right wing fear of Communism or a left wing fear of suburban zombies, the second, of the counterculture, the third, militarism and a teenagers distrust of adults, the fourth seemingly can only come up with ‘the power of a mother’s love against all odds,’ which while sweet, doesn’t really cut it. 5/10

And the little boy's called Erick....the Viking

Outlander(2008) Review

Outlander includes a lot of ingredients that we’ve seen before in other, better known films, infact its narrative is well worn as a genre staple. However, it’s done with such enthusiasm and good spirit that it draws you in, and leaves you glad that you made the effort. Described as primarily a mash-up of Beowolf(2007) and Predator(1987), the plot also has liberal sprinklings of plot devices and stylistic echoes from Alien 3(1992), Pitch Black(2000) and The 13th Warrior(1999) to name the most obvious.
It starts with almost a direct lift of the opening sequences from The Thing(1982), and the aforementioned Predator, as an out of control spacecraft enters the Earth’s atmosphere and crash lands( in this case, Norway in 900 AD, near a Viking encampment). The hero, Kainan, manages to get out and gets to shore while the ship goes down in a lake(Planet of the Apes(1969) anyone?). From then on the film slots pretty smoothly in to the well worn narrative you expect.
Kainan comes across a massacred village, gets caught by some Vikings and is initially suspected of the crime, even though it’s pretty obvious a huge and vicious creature did this- there are even huge claw marks all over the place. He also loses his futuristic weapon setting him up for having to adapt the weapons of the time to later kill the beast.
The film works because the characters are given a chance to develop and even prove the audiences’ assumptions wrong, Kainan is responsible for what happened in the past, and arguably now, and is more than aware of it. Wulfric(played with spirit by Jack Huston, but still coming across like a GAP model trying to butch up), the King’s son, initially comes across as a war hungry egotist who we think is going to be as much of a threat as the creature, but ultimately forms a strong bond with Kainan. In the same vein, Ron Perlman and John Hurt(both having fun, the later especially, in a more action orientated role than usual) start off as misguided tyrants to an extent, but both heroically show how they value the lives of their respective tribes.
It’s actually refreshing to have a resolutely B movie, give its audience a little credit intellectually by not spelling out everyones’ motivations in the first five minutes, or have a character with exposition to make sure no one is lost. In a way, we almost learn about the creature at the same speed as the Vikings and are drip fed information about its motivations, past and capabilities. It is also a relief not to have any twists or false endings for a change. Outlander is very classical in this sense. It gives us the red herrings of a bear taking the blame for the deaths, although we and Kainan know it wasn’t responsible( like the dockyard Tiger shark caught in Jaws(1975)), the elaborate trap that nearly captures the beast, and the mild reveal that anyone whose read or seen Beowolf( or Jaws 3(1983) for that matter) should have seen coming.
If anything, there are too many dark scenes, probably to make the most out of the effects, it can be cheesy at times(the small child who adores Kainan), the prepacked family unit at the film’s end, and does seem to lose momentum a little in the middle. Accents range from all over Europe to Sophia Myles classically trained Rada student, while someone apparently forgot to tell Perlman he had to bring one. However against this it has decent acting, although Perlman’s character should have stayed around longer, a great rousing score, nice creature design(looking like a cousin of The Relic(1997),all of the Viking checkboxes get nicely ticked off, and most intriguingly is the environmental message lurking at its heart. And just when you begin to feel overly comfortable with it, it throws up one of the nastiest, ‘being eaten alive’ scenes I’ve seen in a while, then cuts away, and then carries on with it. For this alone it has to be applauded, and while you can’t help thinking that Kirk Douglas would have killed the creature on his first attempt, this is a great Friday night flick deserving of wider appreciation. 8/10( with at least one point for the ‘eaten alive’ scene).

The Fly 2 Review

The Fly 2 (1989)

I bought the Fly 2 on video when it was released. This wasn’t so much a comment on the film itself as on Cronenberg’s fantastic and justifiably lauded remake. I am still a huge fan of The Fly(1986), and think it’s one of the best remakes of a classic 50s sci-fi movie, one of the best remakes in general, and one of the best horror films of the 1980s. Because let’s not be misunderstood here. The Fly is a horror movie with sci-fi trappings, as opposed to a sci-fi film with horrific elements. In the genre it fits in snuggly with Carpenter’s The Thing(1982) and Alien(1979), and also carries on Cronenberg’s oft noted obsession with body horror at the time.
The Fly 2 by comparison can best be described as a solid sequel. At the time, this came across as a detriment, a reference to its uninspiring retread of the first story with a larger scope, more gore, and younger leads. I myself was disappointed on first viewing and remained frustratingly unsatisfied on following ones. Ironically it reminded me of Jaws 2, an expansion of situations and cast, with a younger demographic, which tried to rack up the body count at the expense of true horror and dread.
The original after all, was basically a play, a three hander mainly set in Brundle’s lab/home, no one died(although a couple of people were nastily mutilated), and it ended as a horrifyingly romantic tragedy, with Davis weeping after killing Goldblum’s character. It was Beauty and the Beast, where the beast turns on her in the end, forcing a loved one to dispatch them, shades of The Wolfman(1941). In contrast, The Fly 2 has several gory deaths, a large cast and several locations. Yet ironically, at no point was I worried about what was going to happen next. Partly because I didn’t have the emotional investment with Martin and Beth that I’d had with Seth and Ronnie, partly because this was a more audience friendly Fly- it kills people, but only those who deserve it. It pats dogs and even looks cuter, and more human( more like a giant Gremlin than the evilly twitching, and totally alien, original Brundlefly). This is unsurprising, as Chris Walas, who deservedly won an Oscar for his effects in the first film is hemmed in by his happy ending, and by keeping Martin’s character heroic. When Martin changes into the Fly(going into a very Gremlin like cocoon- unsurprising as Walas did the effects for that film too), he keeps his human intellect, unlike his father who gradually lost his. This is a fly with a purpose though, but like the shark in Jaws:The Revenge, this takes away from its threat and makes it very hard to suspend disbelief. We can just about buy a man turning into a monster, but a man turning into a monster who still thinks, and occasionally acts like a man. That’s a harder sell, and much less fun. We want our protagonists tortured and out of control like David Naughton’s character in An American Werewolf in London. The Fly 2 can be seen as less horror movie, and more superhero film.It’s ‘Flyman,’ out to right wrongs, free damsals in distress, and bring the villains to justice, or a sticky end.
Don’t get me wrong though, the film has its moments, Eric Stolz and Daphne Zuniga, make the most of underwritten roles, and are sympathetic. Lee Richardson has great fun as the corporate villain, while John Gertz in a cameo, steals all the best lines in just 5 minutes. Walas directs as suspensefully as the script allows him and pulls off a couple of good scares. I loved the doctor’s corpse thrown at the security guard who opens the door- possibly a reference to the original Thing From Another World(1955), and the crowd- pleasing, crushed head by the lift. Sadly Scorby’s death seems lifted from a Friday 13th movie, and isn’t nearly as gruesome as he deserves, but the fate of Bartok is a well deserved twist in a serviceable script written by Frank Darabont(who’d just come off the excellent Blob remake, and was the John Sayles of scripting pithy horror remakes at the time).
In the end, The Fly 2 takes too long to get going, has too many(ie, more than zero) cute moments, and doesn’t take enough risks. However, it does do it’s job and wraps up the franchise’s loose ends. It’s a solid sequel, in the best meaning of the phrase. And sometimes that’s enough. 7/10

Hell's Angels

Psychomania Review

Psychomania is a very, very odd 1971 British horror movie. When I first saw it years ago as a teenager, I’ll be honest, I thought it was terrible. Now, I think it may be a work of genius. I was lucky enough to see it in London a couple of years ago as part of a 1970s British horror season. Before it, in a double-bill, they showed one of Hammer’s Dracula movies that elicited a hushed respect. As Psychomania began it was interesting for me to watch the audience, and see fidgeting break out, whispering and early tittering giving way by the mid-point of the film to open giggling. Tom, the suspiciously posh leader of the aptly named Living Dead biker gang, might be very unthreatening, but he’s got two things going for him. A gang of mainly morons who’ll do anything he says-even kill themselves to come back as law breaking zombies, and a mother who made a pact with the Devil so can handily arrange this for him. It’s hard to know where to start with describing the film, it simply emanates strangeness. The opening credits play over what looks like a montage of some drug hazed motorcycle proficiency test video, all the deaths( and there are lots of them) are bloodless, while the suicides come off as unintentionally hilarious. Like most horror movies of this period- see The Wicker Man and Blood on Satan’s Claw for further proof, there is a folksong sing-along segued in, amusingly to Tom being buried upright on his motorbike. Beryl Reed, (who seems far too Cockney to be Tom’s mother, unless she bundled him off to a public school at a very early age- “allo, darling”), George Sanders(who killed himself after making this), and Robert Hardy, trying out a very odd Northern accent help proceedings along. There’s a strange emphasis on words, and fake gravitas applied to questions-“you’ve been in the locked room again.” The soundtrack is gothic religious synthesizers predating Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom by a good fifteen years, and the end, although signposted is still a great-‘what the hell just happened ’ moment. I also like to think that James Cameron got his police station invasion scene in The Terminator from this, even if he didn’t. All in all, this needs to be experienced( and I do mean experienced rather than just seen). Personally, I get fonder of it every time I see it. 7/10

The Children DVD Review

The Children (2008)

Yet another great little British horror movie, with more scares per minute than most Hollywood product have in their entire running time. Unlike the previously reviewed Isolation, this revolves around a situation so mundane, it gives an added frission once events start spiraling out of control. Basically two upper middle class( and because of it, slightly annoying in their perfectly contented lives, although still realistic), sisters, with their husbands and children gather for a Christmas holiday, in an idyllic but seculded, snow covered country house. Things start small with the usual family disagreements. The eldest child, and heroine to an extent, is Casey, the teenager who’d rather be at a party with friends than here playing happy families and babysitting. Hannah Tointon gives her a great believability, swinging from selfishness and burgeoning sexuality- (that skirt can’t get much shorter, and her tattoo is a secret kept from her parents), to a mother defending fighter when the chips are down. Also her mother still calling her Mouse, shows she’s not so long from childhood herself, a point brought home in the chillingly open ending. The other children start getting sick starting with the youngest- they range from about six to ten in age, from some unseen virus. Cleverly this echoes one of the mother’s fears about illness, and the other husband’s get rich scheme about shipping Chinese medicine. The director also plays on audience expectations that it’s actually difficult to tell when a child turns psychotic, as any family is an environment of controlled chaos, with potential ( and some life-threatening), accidents lurking around every corner. There are many subtle touches among the later carnage, such as the children playing with, and later hanging up the cat’s collar in their camp- an uneasy sign that they have slipped into psychosis. Once in full swing, this also contains several scenes of child death ( normally through self-defense by adults), that you could never see this being green-lit in America, where this is taboo territory above all else. Although it is not gloated about, but handled in the matter of fact way of survival, of not just the fittest, but the most vicious and sneaky. This is worsened by the children still acting as though they’re only playing games. The ending, with the appearance of all of the other (neighborhood?) children in the woods, may be unrealistic, but then again, does explain why the emergency services haven’t turned up. This could be a nationwide pandemic, or even a localized outbreak, and perhaps a 28 weeks later expanded scope sequel is needed. 9/10

Doomsday(2008) Review

Coming after two great films- Dog Soldiers and The Descent, and with an elevated budget and name cast, Doomsday, Neil Marshall’s third film had the weight of expectation on its shoulders. Unfortunately it flopped badly not only here, but in England. To be honest, although personally I really enjoyed it, I can see why. Firstly, although purposely a homage to the movies Marshall loved growing up- Escape from New York, Mad Max, Aliens, it is still derivative to the point where even if it is well done, we’ve already seen it done before, and often better. Secondly, it’s also a bit of a mess structure wise. After a strong opening, it gets bogged down in a flabby middle section visiting Malcolm McDowell for no real reason other than for the running time, before seemingly remembering what it’s doing at the end. Escape from New York by contrast was a lesson in narrative economy which never lost focus. Rhona Mitra makes a good heroine and has just about enough personality to keep you interested(she obviously looks gorgeous), but the most memorable parts are by old pros Hoskins, McDowell, and Craig Conway as Sol, probably an Englishman’s worst nightmare. The greatest fun comes from Marshall’s slightly off the wall sense of humour- the stained glass and curtains in McDowell’s castle decorated with Bio-Hazard signs, Sol dancing to The Fine Young Cannibals(apt), Adam Ant, and Bad Manners before cooking and carving up Sean Pertwee in the film’s most stomach churning scene. A rabbit being blown away by smart guns, and a Mad Max 2 vehicle standoff to Two Tribes by Frankie goes to Hollywood. Marshall has to be applauded for creating a genuinely British blockbuster, which can match anything in Hollywood for style and action. There are great little moments of gore and nods to his horror past, like someone having their hand crushed in a door, the infected themselves, and some wonderful genre splicing moments with Medieval Knights chasing a Bently, that is almost Gilliam like and reminded me of Time Bandits. Infact, Marshall has an eye every bit as good as Gilliam, but like that director, needs to be careful not to fall prey to his own excesses. Is it coincidence that Gilliam works best under the studio system he hates so much. Also with talent this big, I want original Neil Marshall ideas. I want his zombie movie set on an oil rig, not pastiches, however well done, to other filmmakers. He’s better than that, and deserves to be copied himself. 8/10

The Fourth Protocol (1986)

Established movie wisdom has it that Michael Caine made his name and a couple of handfuls of classic movies in the 1960s and early 70s, moved to Hollywood, and partly through necessity, partly through bad choices made some real stinkers in the 1980s before career and critical resurrection from the mid-90s onwards, starting with Little Voice. The reality of course is more complicated. Caine made bad films in the 60s and good films in the 80s, it’s just that the majority of his memorably bad movies come from the later period- think Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, The Island and Jaws The Revenge. However, among the rough were also gems like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and in my opinion, The Fourth Protocol. I hadn’t seen this film for years but certain scenes were still stuck in my imagination- Caine’s drunk act to mask his break-in at the film’s start(a very well done, suspenseful but realistic scene), Brosnan’s killing of Cassidy straight after sex, and The Day of the Jackal type ending. Directed by John Mackenzie who made the classic, The Long Good Friday, and scripted by Fredrick Forsyth himself from his own novel. The film was also coaxed into life by Caine who takes a producer’s credit. Unsurprisingly then, it’s as British as a stick of rock, boasting a recognizable gallery of Brit character actors this side of a Harry Potter film, and oddly, Ned Beatty playing a Russian. Caine is great, and you could imagine that this is Harry Palmer still in service 20 years after The Ipcress File, having discovered contact lenses. The tone is cynical and comes across as similar to John le Care with more action, nobody seems to be trustworthy or who they appear, save Caine, and as he says to Ian Richardson( doing a warm-up for Francis Urquhart), ‘it’s all a fucking game to you….you don’t care about people.’ Also, Brosnan gives a standout performance as a Russian agent with ice for blood, a clear 9 years before becoming Bond, and you can’t help wishing he’d have been a bit more like this in that role, as he emotionlessly dispatches any perceived threat, and also has a kinkily animalistic sexuality to him. Joanna Cassidy gets another seriously thankless role which mainly asks her to lay around dead and topless which also gives proceedings a slightly distasteful edge. Of course, for me, there was a lot of joy in playing spot the English location as Cassidy is picked up by Brosnan outside The Royal Albert Hall, we have a car chase in Ipswich, and best of all having come from the area, Caine rushing to catch the Liverpool Street to Colchester train. Not exceptional but a solid little thriller, that like Caine’s character might not be pretty or subtle, but does its job. 7/10

Spacehunter- Adventures in the Forbidden Zone

The good natured but unspectacular Spacehunter, along with having one of the most tiringly long 80s movie names, second only to The Adventures of Buckeroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, is very obviously trying to cash in on Star Wars. Not only is it pretty slow out of the blocks though, coming out in 1984, a year after Return of the Jedi, but it also doesn’t do enough to differentiate itself. In its favour, it actually does seem to have an at least adequate budget, although it does fall more on the Mad Max 2 side of set design than Star War’s futuristic worlds. It also features some good actors doing solid performances. Peter Strauss is Han Solo, sorry, Spacehunter, Ernie Hudson is Lando Calrissian, sorry, Washington, Michael Ironside is Darth Vader lite, sorry, Overdog, and Molly Ringwald is irritating. But to give her credit, she’s supposed to be.
Throw in a few shots of gory deaths in Ironside’s Crystal Maze like human test, and un-PG sexual references- Spacehunter’s companion at the film’s start, Ringwald in a wet t-shirt, three glamour models forced to strip( although it fades out before we see anything), and this is placed squarely in the early 80s. Yes, this is still a universe where women need rescuing, and black men are untrustworthy. Although Ringwald briefly turns into Sigourney Weaver to escape the maze, and Hudson has a Calrissian change of heart. Ivan Reitman produced which explains the presence of Hudson and some very Ghostbusters type music. There are a couple of surprising moments- the fate of Spacehunter’s first companion, the mutant children, and more unanswered questions. Apart from when he’s trying to kill someone are Michael Ironside’s hands really logical? In the end though, this is a movie that seemed a lot better when I was younger. 5/10

A Re-evaluation of a Favourite

Quantum of Solace DVD Review

I was a bloody idiot to doubt this film, but on the third watch, and my first on dvd, it finally clicked, and I realized that not only was this a worthy successor to Casino Royale but one of the best Bond films in its own right. So what changed? Well, like most people, I was expecting so much after Casino Royale that whatever I got, I think I would have been disappointed. Also, more than Casino, Quantum is a grower-(more On Her Majesty's or License to Kill, than the quick buzz of Die Another Day or Diamonds are Forever which fades to slight embarrassment), and has both a bittersweet ending, no love interest and a plot that almost sidetracks Bond, more than helps him stop Quantum who are very much still untouched by the film’s end. In the film’s favour is a fantastically brutal opening car chase with Bond receiving almost as much punishment as he dishes out. No Sean or Roger smoothly pushing a button here as a solution, the later rooftop chase, Opera scene and a great plane escape(touches of Moonraker, but stripped of the comedy). Against this is the really annoying editing which deflates the boat chase and damages the Opera and rooftop sequences. Note to filmmakers, stop doing this, it spoilt the Bourne sequels, and one of the saving graces of Indiana Jones last year was its old fashioned action scenes. The cast are great, with Craig and Dench once again excelling, Olga Kurylenko makes a good heroine(shades of For Your Eyes Only), and is this the first time a Bond girl is not bedded in the film. Dominic Green is a good, realistic villain with a few great lines-‘piano teacher, damaged goods,’ and a richly deserved fate. There is actually a secondary villain in General Medrano, again, a nastily believable dictator with a penchant for rape and genocide. It’s a sign of how far the series has come that he, and not Bond, gets the almost Roger Moore line of ‘perhaps later,’ when asked by a beautiful waitress if she can get him anything else. We cringe at the perceived sexual abuse the character is pertaining to, rather than laugh at a harmless cuddly innuendo. The scenes with Rene Mathis pack an emotional punch and I’m not ashamed to say I welled up. So while people can niggle at the minuses- editing, possibly the least intimidating henchman in the Bond series- what’s with the comedy wig, Agent Fields totally unnecessary character- are the producers of the Bond movies content to remove Q, gadgets and many established traits, but scared of a film where Bond doesn’t have sex at least once. All in all though an unqualified continuation in the right direction. Even the song is growing on me. 8/10

Worst of British

Mad Dogs and Englishmen (Shameless U.S.) Review

Funny how a film showing the depravity of drugs made me want to do them as I was so desperate for stimulus by the end of it. This Europudding which pretty much showcases why Liz Hurley’s career as an actress flatlined, came out in the early 1990s. I remember seeing the video cover for this in a small rental store in Worcester, England, 15 years ago. My girlfriend at the time was disgusted by a quote, from The Sun( a British tabloid)-‘Liz Hurley gets them out.’ Sadly after watching it, I realized the paper was spot on, Hurley’s breasts are the only point, or points of interest in it. If only we had repeated scenes of them rather than the interminable ones of her taking drugs. About the only other thing that briefly creates any interest, in this case also unintentionally amusing, is some of Joss Ackland’s facial expressions( almost as unfettered as he is in the Pet Shop Boys Always on my Mind video, and about as suble), when he doesn’t like someone, when he’s raping Hurley, very unconvincingly, and C. Thomas Howell’s jacket that looks like a Starsky and Hutch reject. Howell is supposed to be the cool American, but his look(Faith era George Michael spliced with 1993 circa John Bon Jovi), is so dated he might as well be preserved in amber. It was probably dated by the time the film came out, or rather escaped. There is a brief hope of a kickstart from a camp beyond the call of duty Jeremy Brett, but he’s not used nearly enough and has no real good lines to sink his teeth into. In the lexicon of drugs movies, if Trainspotting is Citizen Kane, then this is Police Academy 6, and I may be being generous. 1/10 for Hurley’s breasts.

Dead in the Water

Jaws The Revenge Review

Starting with a concept so flawed , so illogical, as a shark wanting revenge, pretty much anything is acceptable after this, from the opening scenes of the shark setting a trap with a log for Sean Brody(shades of Loony Tunes Road Runner and Willie Coyote), to exploding for no reason when a boat hits it at the end. Throw in other plot irrationals such as the shark tracking the Brody family to the Bahamas, and managing to get there before them, homing in on Mike Brody’s whereabouts like a heat seeking missile, managing numerous disappearing acts, Michael Caine surviving, Mario Van Peebles surviving even more gallingly, it makes this Jaws seemingly more toothless in more ways than one. To add insult to injury throughout there are clips and references to the original, with Ellen having flashbacks to things she didn’t even experience, and badly remade classic moments like Brody and son at the dinner table. The shark seems to have an average speed of 2mph, and is still roaring( an unattractive and impossible characteristic it picked up in Jaws 3). Luckily for us there was no Jaws 5 which at the rate the series was going would have probably ended up with an incredibly intelligent shark flying through space, and badly scaring but not eating anyone…very…very…slowly. 1/10

If you go down to the farm today…

Isolation(2005) Review

This low budget English horror movie went totally under my radar, but turns out to be a hidden gem. The reason I probably missed it is that the description of it sounds so ridiculous I probably dismissed it out of hand. A genetically mutated cow placenta goes on a slashing rampage of death and contamination on a deserted farm, only the farmer, a misguided scientist and two squatting travelers can stop it. It sounds like it would make a good double-bill with the jokey Peter Jacksonish Bad Sheep. Sitting down to watch it, I certainly didn’t expect one of the scariest horror films England has produced in the last five years. At the moment, like France and Spain, we are producing some pretty consistently nerve-shredding horrors like The Children, The Descent and Eden Lake, which this shares its feeling of drip fed dread with. There is also that wonderful tipping point missing from a lot of Hollywood horror films of characters having a good reason to stay in the area once things start happening, a brief time when we the audience know, and they the characters could cut and run, and an ending where there is a good reason they have to stay/sacrifice themselves, in this case to stop the contamination from spreading to the outside world.
Before we even see anything wrong, and the effects and gore when they do come, are so well done that we don’t feel cheated by their five minutes of screen time, the farm is incredibly intimidating. Later, its interiors, dark crawlspaces and deep, bubbling slurry pit and dirty ominous puddles, is just as effective as the Nostromo spacecraft in Alien, or Antarctica base in The Thing, as a ‘dark basement,’ to act as the creature’s lair. The film owes a debt to both of these, plus Aliens, The Blob, and the recent Splinter, and deserves accolades simply for producing an original monster. However, the reason the film works is that using a small cast( 6 people, and only 4 have major roles), and an enclosed location, the film spends time on characters and then proceeds to ratchet up suspense. All the actors are great with believable motivations and backstories, there are no simple heroes or mad scientists here, and even the ending is left ambiguous. As previously mentioned, for the budget, the special effects are great, as is the wonderfully doom laden score. This film took a ridiculous premise and not only made you believe it but made you genuinely scared by it. Excellent job by all involved. 9/10

Star Trek (2009) Review

2. Star Trek (2009) Review

So after the doom and gloom of ZPG, you can’t get much further along the optimistic spectrum than Star Trek. As you probably know by now, myself and young Dave went to see a new print of Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn at the Alamo South last night(Monday 6th April), and ended up seeing not just the new movie before anyone else in the world, but also the guvnor himself, Leonard Nimoy in person, and got some free popcorn. Anyway, many people have reported on the actual happenings that night, and many reviews have already spewed out. I’ve tried not to read any before doing this to keep my own opinion as virginal as possible, and am purposely staying as far away from mentioning spoilers as I can, as I realize most people won’t be seeing this for a month.

So was it better than Kahn? Well, no. But here is the thing, it was easily the best Trek film since First Contact and also arguably beats the Next Generations finest hour, plus the originals crews parts 4 and 6( Voyage Home, and Undiscovered Country), into second place in my opinion. This is already very impressive, but added to this fact is that now and again it also showed the potential to rival Kahn. All that separated it in my opinion is that Kahn had a great story arc with no fat on it, no waste. Everyone in that movie served a purpose, from the regulars- Spock’s sacrifice, Chekov’s duplicity, to the newcomers, David’s anger at his father, Saavik’s tutoring in how a real crew operate, and of course Kahns’s desire for revenge. The new film didn’t have this, but it had some great moments, and threatens a potentially awesome sequel. This was a revamp of a tiring/dying franchise the same as Batman Begins and Casino Royale served theirs. And if Star Trek can produce sequels that stay the course like Batman and Bond have managed then we may be looking at a good 5-10 year run of classic Trek movies.
For a start the opening was one of the most tragic but heroic moments in Trek history and almost makes the rest of the film play catch up in the emotional stakes. The set up of the characters ranges from the sublime- Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, to the clunky but still fun, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty. Originally when I heard that a young cast was going to fill these iconic roles I thought it would be a no win situation, rather like Gene Roddenberry’s mid- 70s idea of cadet era Star Trek that continued to pop up every time someone thought the original crew were getting too old/expensive in the following decade. It smacked of a desperation to appeal to ‘the kids,’ and also of the present love of prequels, whether necessary or not, and sounded more Butch and Sundance the Early Years, than Revenge of the Sith. Of course the problem with prequels is that straight away you know who is going to live or die, but this new film avoids this and sets up infinite future possiblilities in a very clever way. Also, I should have had more faith in J.J. Abrams, the cast are very well picked, not for their impersonations of the original actors but rather to remind us why we liked those characters in the first place. Spock and McCoy are almost spot on in this regard, while Kirk, Sulu, Chekov and Uhura are pretty damn good. The only one who falls short in my opinion, and it pains me to say this, is Simon Pegg as Scotty who seems to be playing it too broadly for comedy. When I think of Scotty, it’s amusing but more for his grumbled mutterings, but his strongest moments in the canon were his dramatic ones, think of his reaction to his nephew’s death in Kahn. It probably doesn’t help that some of the albeit minor flaws, appear when this character is around as well.
Basically I am nit picking for things that don’t work as I think the film is 90% successful. However for me while the tone was pretty consistent, every now and again it seemed to slip into worrying slapstick, which felt out of place, It’s great to see the Kobayashi Maru test, but Kirk’s overplayed nonchalance in this made me long for what a more sneakily devious Shatner might have made of it, Kirk’s hands and tongue, Scotty in the tube, or ,worryingly like Lucas at this worst, Scotty’s little Ewok mate. Along with these was Kirk’s slightly unbelievable promotion from suspended candidate to first officer, Spock leaving the captain’s chair open( yes, Kirk often did it but not this blatantly) to beam down to Vulcan, Scotty seemingly taking over the engine room after only just arriving on the Enterprise unannounced, and Chekov’s sudden brilliance at being able to beam people up. Even nice little homages to the series were sometimes slightly overdone. Sulu’s comment that his weapon’s training consist of fencing is great, but then when he produces a sword during a fight scene, it threatens to tip into cheesy. The other main flaw is that Eric Bana’s villain at least for me on a first viewing has a muddied reason for his actions, unlike ironically Khan’s, cut straight to the bone, reasoning. I still don’t know where Eric Bana’s Nero has been for 25 years not to be spotted by Starfleet- wouldn’t they have hunted him down after the U.S.S. Kelvin, and why he waited that long, to start his main plan, just so he could torment the older Spock.
However, if the movie doesn’t measure up to Kahn, and is probably unwise to ape it so much( the slug scene), like I say, there is more than enough good stuff for it to win out. It looks absolutely beautiful and the money is all on the screen- no repeated shots of Klingon warbirds from previous movies here. It looks retro but also cutting edge, the action scenes and fights are great and thankfully these days, not over-edited and the old timers of Cross, Ryder and of course Nimoy are perfect. I feel very lucky to have seen it under these circumstances with a great loyal Trek audience, can’t wait to see it at least one more time in the theatre and am really looking forward to the sequels. 9/10

1. ZPG (Zero Population Growth) Review

Two very different views of the future
1. ZPG (Zero Population Growth) Review

This pretty much lost science fiction movie from the early 70s was just exhumed last year by Legend productions for a dvd release, as they pick through the vaults for lost( some for a good reason) movies. It caught my interest mainly for the presence of Oliver Reed whose always good value for money even when he’s slumming it which lets be honest, quite often he was. In ZPG he isn’t though, although he is uncharacteristically low key, although in typical Reed fashion he still looks ready to punch someone in the face at the slightest prevarication. The film this most reminded me of was Silent Running in its themes of man coping badly in the future with the damage his 20th century counterpart did to the planet, although it is also the flip version of Children of Men, and would make a great double bill, their endings are also curiously similar with small manned boats on the ocean. In that movie, the world has become sterile and is preparing itself to dying out. In ZPG having children is made illegal at the film’s start because of chronic overpopulation- ‘hello, China,’ with any transgressers being terminated. Needless to say after shopping for some very creepy artificial children who look like Chucky prototypes, Geraldine Chaplin, Reed’s wife gets pregnant and decides not to use the arbortmatron which seems like a prop turned down from Woody Allen’s Sleeper. The rest of the film deals with them trying to keep the baby a secret, and when they’re neighbours and former best friends find out, being blackmailed into sharing the child. I enjoyed the movie, which also brought up memories of Soylent Green and Rollerball( the original not the terrible remake), and even The Omega Man’s Woodstock scene, with people in a cinema salivating at pictures of real food, even as the narrator berates the gluttony of the 1970s. Infact, Charlton Heston sci-fi movies score a hat-trick of references with the final shot on a beach very reminiscent of Planet of the Apes, but at least we get a happy ending in this case which you feel not only the characters, but the audience has earned. However, this film is definitely not for those suffering from an attention defecit as it moves very slowly and also cleverly gets around its budget by having everything clouded in a fog of pollution, so three actors and lots of voice-over can represent a crowd, and cover up any unfuturistic sets. The actors are fine although I found myself getting increasingly irritated with the behaviour of Chaplin, as first of all she mopes about not having a child, then having to have it in secrecy, then not being able to see a doctor etc. Reed shows great self-control in not punching her in the face after he’s suffered her whims and mood swings for months, most of which seem unintentionally designed to get them both executed. The ending is also too easy, although a certain amount of suspense builds between the power struggle of the two couples, with 70s stalwart Don Gordon regressing from amiable friend, to bully, to broken loser within a few scenes, and Diane Cilento(ex- Mrs Sean Connery) as his Lady Macbeth like wife who starts all the trouble in her desperation to be a mother. Indeed, along with Inside, this is probably not a good film to show a pregnant or new mother as I’m sure their maternal instinct will either get very upset or angry. Anyway, I enjoyed it, in a good for a wet Sunday afternoon way, and no film where everyone is wearing grey Logan’s Run body suits and huge medallions can be all bad, but I doubt I’ll watch it again for five years. 6/10

Last House on the Left (2009)

Yes - this review is a little late...

Now Horror is not usually my thing, but I duly sat through this flick as the first half of a double bill on Spring Break Thursday (second half was Taken, reviewed by Si below). Typically you don’t get a lot of folks in an R Rated movie at 10am and sure enough, it was Si and I plus one old boy and his popcorn.

I haven’t seen the 70’s original version of this movie and actually I read that it in itself was based on a folk tale set in Europe concerning the rape and murder of a young girl and the inevitable revenge theme that is the central part of the movie.

There was a healthy dose of blood and gore as you would expect from Wes Craven and plenty of murderous revenge with a range of kitchen implements. I also came to the conclusion that the Director is a bit of a pervo with the lingering shots on teenage girls in undies and nudie death shots. Overall pretty satisfying, the good guys won out and there was plenty of suspense and action. I would watch other movies in this genre - no falling asleep in this movie and a 7/10 score.

Bruce Robinson and Richard E. Grant double bill

Bruce Robinson and Richard E. Grant double bill
Withnail and I(1987), and How to get Ahead in Advertising(1989)

Pretty much by accident I ended up watching this pairing at the weekend, and found it pretty interesting seeing them back to back. Both are directed by Robinson, and both star Grant, made within two years of each other in England in the mid-late 80s.
If you’ve seen Withnail and I before, then it needs no introduction. It’s one of my favourite films, and possibly the funniest film I’ve ever seen. No faint praise, and it’s power is that I’m sure most people who’ve also seen it will agree with me, and also, think that they’re the only person who it speaks to personally. If you haven’t, you should order the three disc edition off of Amazon.co.uk immediately and wait for your life to improve drastically in the near future. I saw it for the first time in probably the perfect environment of having just gone to college. Not only does it resonate to every student whose ever worn old, decade defying clothes( and I certainly did, working at a store called Wear it again Sam, taking old suits in lieu of pay, and slicking my long hair back, drunk anything they can get they’re hands on in obscene quantities, lived in a complete dive, not really eaten much apart from toast- all the better for spending on fags and booze, and never had any money, but it also shows that last sliver of life before responsibilities take over. When the most important question is, when does the pub open? and the most important person in your life is not a partner( as Robinson said in an interview, there are no women in the film because when your poor, you know there’s no point trying to get one), but a friend. I could write reams on why Withnail works so well, the superb script with its endlessly quotable lines, the fantastic soundtrack, both in choice and scarcity of songs- young directors take note, you don’t need to over egg the pudding, the great original music, the photography, the four fantastic leads with Grant the standout, and also brilliantly memorable supporting cast- you remember the Coalman, the police, Jakes etc, even though they’re barely on screen, and the fact that while being hilariously, liquid flying out of your nose funny, its also heartbreakingly sad. It’s the end of a heterosexual love affair, with Withnail the dysfunctional(to put it mildly) father, to I’s protective and thoughtful mother. Neither are gay, although you could argue Withnail is, but doesn’t realize it, compared to Uncle Monty’s outrageous all embracing(at least he tries)camp, but this is about three men who care about each other but are also unable to express it and are growing apart in what they want from life. It’s also about Withnail who mainly only cares about himself, which makes it so funny. As soon as I (or Marwood for trivia fans), gets the phone call to say he’s got the part in the play, if not before when the seeds are sown by his audition and willingness to move away, time is running out for this friendship. As Danny says, probably the most succinct line, to sum up proceedings, ‘they’re selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, the greatest decade in history is over and we have failed to paint it black.’It reminds me of the end of college when you realize that the person who you’ve had all of those adventures with for years, isn’t going to be there anymore, and even if they were, it just wouldn’t be the same because everyone has to act sensible now. Withnail is an ode to all of those lost friendships that burnt so bright at the time but were snuffed out so permanently.
How to get Ahead in Advertising at first glance is a completely different kettle of fish. I didn’t manage to see this until later in my life, and again the timing was probably very good, as it’s not just concentrating on the I(sic) as much as on issues that effect all of us globally. It has an adult message.One of the main criticisms that the films has been hit with is that it lets its political message run amock and swamp the story, but I don’t agree with this. It may be an allegory of the difference between materialist and socialist mentality, between greedy consumer society and those who want to preserve and reuse what has always worked, and indeed recycle, and the hypocrisy when the two meet, but its done in such a manic and perverse style that I was hooked throughout. It also starts and ends with two monologues flawlessly performed by Grant any bit as good as anything from Withnail. It’s just that as a whole the film is harder to like. The politics of Withnail-‘shovelled up by Labour, shat on by Tories,’ and darkness-‘I have of late-but wherefore I know not ,lost all my mirth,’ are pushed harder and not just hinted at. Also, it’s end is much more abrupt than Withnail making it feel curiously unfinished, and is also even more ambiguous. It’s certainly not a happy ending but still shows hope in the future, if a muted hope. The supporting cast, Richard Wilson, Rachel Ward, and even a young Tony Slattery play it for realism more than Withnail’s grotesques, but its Grant who manages to find even deeper recesses of manic frenzy to tap into. Many criticize him for always going over the top, but in both of these parts, he gives the audience two fantastic but subtly different performances. Robinson too, freed from Withnail’s mainly static environment shows his growth in some wonderful shots, I was particularly struck by Grant’s collapse onto the floor with bathroom jars smashing around him, and later a long bird’s eye shot of him on horseback, next to a wood so beautiful that these days it would have to be CGI. I recommend both of these films for a look by anyone who likes their laughs to come with a rabid bite. Lets hope Robinson and Grant work together again one day as briefly they were the Scorcese/De Niro of English comedy, and these films although sturdy cult successes deserve a lot more time in the sun. Withnail 10/10 Advertising 8/10

Equilibrium Review

Equilibrium Review

The irony about watching Equilibrium is, that while technically proficient and totally functional at its job, like its protagonists, it leaves you strangely unexcited even in its fight scenes, and not really feeling any emotions towards it, one way or another, once its anticlimactic ending is over. It’s one of those interesting concept B movies that Christian Bale made before his career exploded with Batman Begins, but you have the feeling that like Reign of Fire, this probably sounded better on paper than in execution.
One of the main problems is it constantly reminds you of better and more original stories and movies, like 1984, THX 1138, Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World, and a large dollop of The Matrix. Also, its very concept seems to work against it. As the film is about a Cleric, a security enforcer who stops taking his emotion suppressant drug and starts to question his life, a film full of people not experiencing, or pretending not to feel emotions, doesn’t leave a lot of room for expressive acting. Indeed, I felt watching it that Bale seemed curiously unmoved most of the time, while the villains of the piece seemed to be hamming it up, banging desks and sneering enough to set a bad example to the population they are trying to control, but then maybe the point was they are simply intent on crushing the common man’s spirit but have different or more lax rules for themselves.
Also, after a long build up the ending felt very rushed and pat with Bale only having to contend with killing thirty guards, and without breaking a sweat, and a frankly rubbish at fighting Taye Diggs, who for all his talk, is dispatched far too easily for audience satisfaction. A few shots of the underground overpowering the police while bombs go off in the distance, and your left wondering why they needed Bale at all, and why he didn’t act sooner and save the lives of several key characters.
On the plus side, it is fun to spot the recognizable actor in a very small role, and while non of them are huge stars it’s still odd seeing Emily Watson, Sean Bean, Sean Pertwee, David Hemmings, and weirdest of all for English viewers, commedian Brian( it’s only a puppet)Connelly being beaten up by Batman. Either the director called in some favours, or they all had a few days free, and were in the area. Also, a few scenes do work well, like Bale trying to hide his new found puppy from the authorities, or being grilled by his Nazi youth like son, to increase the tension momentarily. Although they become quickly repetitious, on first appearance, the fight scenes- a mash-up of martial arts and Spaghetti Western gun battles is impressive, and an improvement on the Matrix. However, like my favourite moment, Bean’s line-reading of ‘it is,’ that changes from questioning to agreeing once he’s administered the drug/realized he’s become too obvious, your memory of the film after watching it, quickly changes from thinking it was pretty good, to whatever happens next in your life, which isn’t a good sign. 7/10

Rock and Rolla (2009)

In my opinion a great return to form for Guy Ritchie. I love Lock Stock and Snatch and this is definetely in that genre. Darker than the other two movies for sure, this was a treat to watch, especially tough for the non-English to understand the accents. Gerard butler (one two) is basically Jason Statham (Turkish in Snatch) and Nick Moran (Eddie in lock stock) who runs with shady folk that the audience loves because they are 'geezers' and you guessed it, they get in the usual sort of pickle with a nasty bastard mob boss who likes to dispense with people that piss him off (this time it is a 'lucky' painting that replaces the diamond as the object of affection). It is very witty of course - I particularly liked the crazy Russians that wont die (like 2 Snatch-like Borises). Thandie Newton is definetely a great addition as Stella that hot lawyer- interesting considering how lacking of a female main character the other movies were (except perhaps 'me mah' who loved caravans in perywinkle blue in Snatch). There is a class scene where she dances in a fashion that puts Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction to shame.

Now you could argue that it is a bit samey as the other 2 movies, but hey, that is what I was in the mood for when I watched this and overall I give it 8 out of 10 on the Thomas Scale.

Taken Review

Taken Review

I’ve seen Taken twice now, and while I know it’s ridiculous and probably bad for me intellectually, I can’t help but be entertained. Infact, I loved it. By twenty minutes in, it’s got me hooked both times, and I’m sure when I see it on dvd, it will do it again. And I’m not alone it seems. While the film was pretty much kicked to death by English critics when it opened there last year, probably miffed that Liam Neeson, a proper actor who was in Schindler’s List and Michael Collins, stooped to muddy his reputation with this, audiences flocked to see it. It was a solid hit. In America by contrast, the box office figures went through the roof, the film is currently heading towards $130 million, and is already one of the biggest hits of 2009. Liam Neeson has had a bona fide hit that he can claim full responsibility for, not just because he’s appearing in a Batman, Star Wars, or Speilberg movie.
But shouldn’t Taken have been a Jason Stratham movie, shouldn’t it have had a strong opening weekend fuelled by its target audience of young men, and finished off grossing about $30 million, not troubling mainstream audiences, having a happy afterlife on dvd, and the chance of a sillier sequel, next time his mother gets kidnapped. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a big Stratham fan. Infact, I believe I saw three or four of his movies on the big screen last year alone, and a handful of others on dvd, meaning that he and Clive Owen are both getting a good percentage of my box office cash lately, and easily beating off any other actors. I also can’t wait for Crank 2 which looks silly beyond the call of duty even for a Stratham film, which is why I’m vexed by Taken. It really shouldn’t have done that well, even if it did manage what Quantum of Solace promised but didn’t deliver. The Bond franchise was so worried about being serious, emotional depth and living up to Casino Royale, that every blaring action scenes made the film seem almost scizophrenic. Taken, in contrast was the opposite, started off with a little bit of character work, the broadest sketches of characters, Famke Janssen’s shrewish wife, Maggie Grace’s suspiciously old looking but young acting daughter, poor old Xavier Berkley stepdad didn’t even have time to act as a red herring before the film took off at a brainless dash, dragging us with it, and wisely not giving us a chance for any second thoughts, till its end.
But would this have been enough in itself, I mean Statham’s Crank and Transporter series both moved fast, but no wives or girlfriends wanted to see them. I think despite Luc Besson’s undisputed action credentials, Taken’s success comes down to a couple of facts.
Firstly, Liam Neeson can act. Now before people say I’m Strat bashing again, let me put it this way, who out of the two of them has been Oscar nominated? Stratham may look like Laurence Olivier compared to Steven Seagal, but Neeson can actually inhabit a character, and not just talk in a low voice and glare alot. In Taken he, and he alone, partly because he’s the only one given time, builds a character we care about, we realize that he needs to rescue his daughter not just to get her back, not for validiction, but because she is one of the few things keeping him going, indeed, keeping him alive. Neeson makes you care about him, and even when you don’t agree with what he does, you understand why he does it, like shooting Jean-Claude’s wife in a Jack Bauer nod. Neeson single handedly elevates this film and deserves some plaudits for it, just like Daniel Craig received for Bond.
The second reason is more sinister. Taken is one of the most racist and xenophobic films you’ll have seen in a long time, almost to comical lengths. Paris and Europe are portrayed as hotbeds of sex trafficking and gangs, which the police tolerate due to payoffs, and where young American girls are regularly kidnapped and prostituted. This is the nightmare of every far right Republican. This is George W. Bush’s nightmare. There is even an echo of the zero tolerance stance on terrorism in Neeson killing without question, pretty much every nationality he comes across-Albanian, French, English, Arabian, Egyptian. One of his friends pretty much seals the deal early on by calling him Rambo. He is Rambo, in the plot of Commando, with more clothes on, and better conversation. This is America’s war on terror, don’t ask questions, shoot to kill, and kill everyone. It feels as if Neeson kills half of Paris during the film, and then gets on a plane, and comes home to the US. There are no consequences, because he did the right thing, and what he believed he should do. Taken’s success might be the only legitimate subconscious salute the American people give Bush on his presidency. After all, he exploited highly unrealistic fears after 9/11, just as Taken does, and even while complaining about him enough people bought it to vote him in again. Taken’s box office speaks for itself, more than any horror movie, fear sells, fear works. So, there’s a sobering thought, maybe all the people sitting next to me, while I was giggling at the comedy Arabs, were actually not only taking it all seriously but also believing it. 8/10

Deceiver( 1997) Review

Deceiver (Liar UK) 1997

It’s was very interesting watching this movie again, where Tim Roth plays a possible sociopath that two detectives are interviewing, to tell whether he is lying or not, in light of his new series Lie to Me, where Roth spends his time trying to find out the same of other suspects. Deceiver, or Liar to give it, it’s much more succinct, and less romantic and pirate movie sounding English title, wants badly to be thought of in the same company or gang as brain-twisting thrillers The Usual Suspects, and Memento, and while it’s a distant cousin it’s clear that by the end it is not in the same league academically or socially, as suspense and originality tip over into preposterous twists. Suspension of disbelief is jettisoned about the same time that Michael Rooker’s (doing his usual ‘pressure-cooker about to blow’ character, which he’s been perfecting since Mississippi Burning), police detective allows himself to be hooked up to his own lie detector by suspect and arch manipulator Roth, as the weight of evidence and suspicion slides ungainly from one character to another. Also, the fact that his partner, a slightly too gullible to be believable, but refreshingly sympathetic Chris Penn looks on. And that no one else in the station hears any of the noise in the room and knocks. This is also after Roth has, in a previous interview, attacked and beaten up Rooker while in an epileptic state, but before Rooker snaps and starts playing Russian Roulette with Roth against his will. See what I mean?
It’s a shame as the build up of this mainly three hander is well done, the characters of Renee Zellweger’s hooker with a heart of gold showing her star adorability in basically a cameo, and Ellen Burnstyn as genuinely creepy crime boss Mook, both arousing our interest, and although there are too many annoyingly flash, and sooo 90s indie, camera moves and steals from other movies, when the steals remind you of David Mamet that’s no bad thing. Of course the entire movie would falter completely if it wasn’t for Roth and apart from the odd cringe at his American accent he is as dependable as you’d expect. His character is basically idle rich turned bad and is an ironic dry run for the couple of characters he himself would suffer at the hands of in Funny Games. You can even just about allow the use of a steal on Lecter’s Silence of the Lambs escape at the film’s conclusion, even if unlike that classic this doesn’t stand up to too much retrospective scrutiny. The best way to describe Deceiver is that when I saw it for the first time about six years ago I thought it was a lost classic. When I watched it again, even though I still enjoyed it, I can now see why it definitely isn’t. 7/10

RocknRolla Review

RocknRolla Review

At the end of Guy Richie’s new film, there is a threat, or promise, depending on how you felt about the preceeding two hours, that the Wild Bunch will return, Bond style, in ‘The Real RocknRolla.’ Richie himself has promised a trilogy with the same characters which may be a good thing as a lot of them deserved more screen time, and a lot of plot strands were left hanging . Of course many would argue that the film feels like the final chapter to a trilogy already. One that started with Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and continued with Snatch, which also represented not by coincidence his most popular steak with audiences . After the trip and fall experiments of Swept Away(never work with children, animals or your marriage partner, see Far and Away or Love, Honour and Obey for further evidence) and Revolver, Richie is back on his old stomping ground of comedy monickered wideboys and villains, cartoon violence and like Lock Stock, a maguffin, in this case a painting that has everyone chasing it, but only serves to expose the real issue, that of an informer in their midst.

So this is Richie back to doing what he does best, and what British audiences at least like him doing best. RocknRolla was a healthy hit in the UK last year. Sadly Americans hardly got a chance to judge on a big screen as Warner’s yet again decided to pull advertising and show their lack of belief in a perfectly good film by opening in a limited number of theatres, and shopping it around for others to buy- describing it as a good little film but too English. Having said that, without the star wattage of a Brad Pitt, it is doubtful that it would have achieved the same success as Snatch, then again it does seem an insult that at this point in his career, Richie has to suffer this indignation, and remember Slumdog Millionaire, another return to favoured issues by an established British critical and cult darling also suffered the same fate at the hands of Warners, but at least had a happy ending in that instance.

Even critics seemed to have warmed to Richie’s return to all things Mockney, rather than chastise him for combing over old ground, and indeed this is not someone basking in the dimming glow of old glories or going through the motions. Comparing the new film to Lock Stock, is rather like comparing the Beatles of Rubber Soul to those animated young men playing mainly covers in a Hamburg cavern. Richie has matured, this is a studious forty year old chuckling at his own jokes while enjoying a whiskey or two, rather than the brash, in your face thirty year old running down the street, brandishing a beer bottle and shouting at the top of his lungs. Visually, Richie has never been better, his skills in direction, editing and framing outstripping his story ideas if anything. As a scriptwriter you can’t help thinking he needs a disciplined collaborator to sharpen or discard some ideas, such as the almost 70s sitcom attitude to character’s gayness.

Of the performances, Tom Wilkinson’s Lenny stands out, although painted in comically broader strokes than necessary, a bigger wallop would have been provided in the denouement by someone more like Michael Gambon in Layer Cake. Mark Strong hopefully will be a carry over to the sequel with his simmering Archie, and it may not be a coincidence that the film ends with the two most interesting characters, him and Johnny Quid talking about the future. Quid, played by Toby Kebbell is equal parts as annoying as hell, and superb, especially in a scene where he provides wish fulfillment for anyone whose been mistreated by a club bouncer. The rest of the cast are all good, if less memorable, often finding themselves at the end of plotlines left in mid air, which may simply be a case of curtailed trilogy arc. Of course, if Richie, currently shooting Sherlock Holmes, never bothers returning to the story, this lack of closure may become more irritating as time goes on. Thadie Newton’s role like her character, so maybe that’s the point, is all tease and no climax, or at least a hastily rushed one, literally. Also, for someone who seems to be the intended leading man, Gerald Butler as One Two, and Elba and Hardy, as Mumbles and Handsome Bob, his loyal sidekicks, are probably the most nondescript so far of Richie’s cheeky protagonist gangs. Infact, after Wilkinson, Kebbell and Strong, you probably have to go all the way down the cast list to Jimi Mistry, as a totally corrupt counsillor for another actor having fun with their part, but not at the audience’s expense.

Of course the film has its moments, a prolonged foot chase that turns slowly from slapstick comedy to almost waking nightmare when Butler can’t shake off the Russians security springs to mind, but Rocknrolla has the strange accolade of making you invest in the characters while also feeling slightly unsatisfied with how they end up. It’s almost as though Richie is throwing away his old toys, and muting himself to show that substance and gravitas are more important than being flash. This is a great sentiment to have but a little bit more flash would have been nice. Notice for instance that none of the violence is shown, only its consequences on the characters. If Richie is the closest England has to a Tarantino, and his style as recognizable, then this is his Jackie Brown. And that is both a praise and criticism. One thing is for sure though, no one is going to spoof Rocknrolla like Adam and Joe did with their toy version of Snatch, called Twat, featuring Vinnie Hooligan and Jim’ll the Fix( a thinly disguised Jimmy Saville as stuffed Poodle). Whether this is because Richie has grown up or lost his relevance, will probably be a debate that rages on unconclusively. 7/10 The Si

Soldier (1998)

Simon 'treated' me to a viewing of the Kurt Russell action flick Soldier , directed by Paul Anderson director of Event Horizon, Mortal Kombat and (let me add this to my BB queue right now) Deathrace. It was basically a nice 95 minute collection of action, cheese and more action.. Simon confessed that it was 4 years since he saw this movie and ' it wasnt as good as he remembered' (shades of Hitman, which I bought because I thought it was great - er, it wasnt.. LOL). I think my favourite scene was the end - a cross between Lethal Weapon 1 and, if I recall correctly, Nowhere to Run (JCVD) - a wet, bloody brawl to the death, with the trademark neck breaker by our hero 'Todd'.

I was hoping for something as good as Escape from New York, hell even something as good as Tango and Cash would have been acceptable. I am afraid it ended up with a 3/10 on the DT scale. Good job I have transporter 3 to watch later this weekend - that could be a step up from Soldier, or maybe not...

Dave's Last 10 movies.

Dave's last 10 movies from Blockbuster (newest first):

Fight Club (1999)
Taxi Driver [Limited Collector's Edition] (1976)
American Gangster [WS] (2007)
Chopper (2000)
Company - Disc 2 (2007)
High Fidelity (2000)
The Company - Disc 1 (2007)
Iron Man [2008] [WS] (2008)
Death on the Nile (1978)
5 Girls (2001)

Where it all began

A shared nationailty, a shared love of movies and a drunken conversation last weekend about how sh*t Jaws 4 is , that is what got Simon and I to this. This blog will give us chance to witter on endlessly about movies and not bore our spouses... lol

By the way, I created this blog in about 2 mintues, so cheers to the blogspot folks for their efficient blog creation model. Top banana.