Doomsday(2008) Review

Coming after two great films- Dog Soldiers and The Descent, and with an elevated budget and name cast, Doomsday, Neil Marshall’s third film had the weight of expectation on its shoulders. Unfortunately it flopped badly not only here, but in England. To be honest, although personally I really enjoyed it, I can see why. Firstly, although purposely a homage to the movies Marshall loved growing up- Escape from New York, Mad Max, Aliens, it is still derivative to the point where even if it is well done, we’ve already seen it done before, and often better. Secondly, it’s also a bit of a mess structure wise. After a strong opening, it gets bogged down in a flabby middle section visiting Malcolm McDowell for no real reason other than for the running time, before seemingly remembering what it’s doing at the end. Escape from New York by contrast was a lesson in narrative economy which never lost focus. Rhona Mitra makes a good heroine and has just about enough personality to keep you interested(she obviously looks gorgeous), but the most memorable parts are by old pros Hoskins, McDowell, and Craig Conway as Sol, probably an Englishman’s worst nightmare. The greatest fun comes from Marshall’s slightly off the wall sense of humour- the stained glass and curtains in McDowell’s castle decorated with Bio-Hazard signs, Sol dancing to The Fine Young Cannibals(apt), Adam Ant, and Bad Manners before cooking and carving up Sean Pertwee in the film’s most stomach churning scene. A rabbit being blown away by smart guns, and a Mad Max 2 vehicle standoff to Two Tribes by Frankie goes to Hollywood. Marshall has to be applauded for creating a genuinely British blockbuster, which can match anything in Hollywood for style and action. There are great little moments of gore and nods to his horror past, like someone having their hand crushed in a door, the infected themselves, and some wonderful genre splicing moments with Medieval Knights chasing a Bently, that is almost Gilliam like and reminded me of Time Bandits. Infact, Marshall has an eye every bit as good as Gilliam, but like that director, needs to be careful not to fall prey to his own excesses. Is it coincidence that Gilliam works best under the studio system he hates so much. Also with talent this big, I want original Neil Marshall ideas. I want his zombie movie set on an oil rig, not pastiches, however well done, to other filmmakers. He’s better than that, and deserves to be copied himself. 8/10

The Fourth Protocol (1986)

Established movie wisdom has it that Michael Caine made his name and a couple of handfuls of classic movies in the 1960s and early 70s, moved to Hollywood, and partly through necessity, partly through bad choices made some real stinkers in the 1980s before career and critical resurrection from the mid-90s onwards, starting with Little Voice. The reality of course is more complicated. Caine made bad films in the 60s and good films in the 80s, it’s just that the majority of his memorably bad movies come from the later period- think Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, The Island and Jaws The Revenge. However, among the rough were also gems like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and in my opinion, The Fourth Protocol. I hadn’t seen this film for years but certain scenes were still stuck in my imagination- Caine’s drunk act to mask his break-in at the film’s start(a very well done, suspenseful but realistic scene), Brosnan’s killing of Cassidy straight after sex, and The Day of the Jackal type ending. Directed by John Mackenzie who made the classic, The Long Good Friday, and scripted by Fredrick Forsyth himself from his own novel. The film was also coaxed into life by Caine who takes a producer’s credit. Unsurprisingly then, it’s as British as a stick of rock, boasting a recognizable gallery of Brit character actors this side of a Harry Potter film, and oddly, Ned Beatty playing a Russian. Caine is great, and you could imagine that this is Harry Palmer still in service 20 years after The Ipcress File, having discovered contact lenses. The tone is cynical and comes across as similar to John le Care with more action, nobody seems to be trustworthy or who they appear, save Caine, and as he says to Ian Richardson( doing a warm-up for Francis Urquhart), ‘it’s all a fucking game to you….you don’t care about people.’ Also, Brosnan gives a standout performance as a Russian agent with ice for blood, a clear 9 years before becoming Bond, and you can’t help wishing he’d have been a bit more like this in that role, as he emotionlessly dispatches any perceived threat, and also has a kinkily animalistic sexuality to him. Joanna Cassidy gets another seriously thankless role which mainly asks her to lay around dead and topless which also gives proceedings a slightly distasteful edge. Of course, for me, there was a lot of joy in playing spot the English location as Cassidy is picked up by Brosnan outside The Royal Albert Hall, we have a car chase in Ipswich, and best of all having come from the area, Caine rushing to catch the Liverpool Street to Colchester train. Not exceptional but a solid little thriller, that like Caine’s character might not be pretty or subtle, but does its job. 7/10

Spacehunter- Adventures in the Forbidden Zone

The good natured but unspectacular Spacehunter, along with having one of the most tiringly long 80s movie names, second only to The Adventures of Buckeroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, is very obviously trying to cash in on Star Wars. Not only is it pretty slow out of the blocks though, coming out in 1984, a year after Return of the Jedi, but it also doesn’t do enough to differentiate itself. In its favour, it actually does seem to have an at least adequate budget, although it does fall more on the Mad Max 2 side of set design than Star War’s futuristic worlds. It also features some good actors doing solid performances. Peter Strauss is Han Solo, sorry, Spacehunter, Ernie Hudson is Lando Calrissian, sorry, Washington, Michael Ironside is Darth Vader lite, sorry, Overdog, and Molly Ringwald is irritating. But to give her credit, she’s supposed to be.
Throw in a few shots of gory deaths in Ironside’s Crystal Maze like human test, and un-PG sexual references- Spacehunter’s companion at the film’s start, Ringwald in a wet t-shirt, three glamour models forced to strip( although it fades out before we see anything), and this is placed squarely in the early 80s. Yes, this is still a universe where women need rescuing, and black men are untrustworthy. Although Ringwald briefly turns into Sigourney Weaver to escape the maze, and Hudson has a Calrissian change of heart. Ivan Reitman produced which explains the presence of Hudson and some very Ghostbusters type music. There are a couple of surprising moments- the fate of Spacehunter’s first companion, the mutant children, and more unanswered questions. Apart from when he’s trying to kill someone are Michael Ironside’s hands really logical? In the end though, this is a movie that seemed a lot better when I was younger. 5/10

A Re-evaluation of a Favourite

Quantum of Solace DVD Review

I was a bloody idiot to doubt this film, but on the third watch, and my first on dvd, it finally clicked, and I realized that not only was this a worthy successor to Casino Royale but one of the best Bond films in its own right. So what changed? Well, like most people, I was expecting so much after Casino Royale that whatever I got, I think I would have been disappointed. Also, more than Casino, Quantum is a grower-(more On Her Majesty's or License to Kill, than the quick buzz of Die Another Day or Diamonds are Forever which fades to slight embarrassment), and has both a bittersweet ending, no love interest and a plot that almost sidetracks Bond, more than helps him stop Quantum who are very much still untouched by the film’s end. In the film’s favour is a fantastically brutal opening car chase with Bond receiving almost as much punishment as he dishes out. No Sean or Roger smoothly pushing a button here as a solution, the later rooftop chase, Opera scene and a great plane escape(touches of Moonraker, but stripped of the comedy). Against this is the really annoying editing which deflates the boat chase and damages the Opera and rooftop sequences. Note to filmmakers, stop doing this, it spoilt the Bourne sequels, and one of the saving graces of Indiana Jones last year was its old fashioned action scenes. The cast are great, with Craig and Dench once again excelling, Olga Kurylenko makes a good heroine(shades of For Your Eyes Only), and is this the first time a Bond girl is not bedded in the film. Dominic Green is a good, realistic villain with a few great lines-‘piano teacher, damaged goods,’ and a richly deserved fate. There is actually a secondary villain in General Medrano, again, a nastily believable dictator with a penchant for rape and genocide. It’s a sign of how far the series has come that he, and not Bond, gets the almost Roger Moore line of ‘perhaps later,’ when asked by a beautiful waitress if she can get him anything else. We cringe at the perceived sexual abuse the character is pertaining to, rather than laugh at a harmless cuddly innuendo. The scenes with Rene Mathis pack an emotional punch and I’m not ashamed to say I welled up. So while people can niggle at the minuses- editing, possibly the least intimidating henchman in the Bond series- what’s with the comedy wig, Agent Fields totally unnecessary character- are the producers of the Bond movies content to remove Q, gadgets and many established traits, but scared of a film where Bond doesn’t have sex at least once. All in all though an unqualified continuation in the right direction. Even the song is growing on me. 8/10

Worst of British

Mad Dogs and Englishmen (Shameless U.S.) Review

Funny how a film showing the depravity of drugs made me want to do them as I was so desperate for stimulus by the end of it. This Europudding which pretty much showcases why Liz Hurley’s career as an actress flatlined, came out in the early 1990s. I remember seeing the video cover for this in a small rental store in Worcester, England, 15 years ago. My girlfriend at the time was disgusted by a quote, from The Sun( a British tabloid)-‘Liz Hurley gets them out.’ Sadly after watching it, I realized the paper was spot on, Hurley’s breasts are the only point, or points of interest in it. If only we had repeated scenes of them rather than the interminable ones of her taking drugs. About the only other thing that briefly creates any interest, in this case also unintentionally amusing, is some of Joss Ackland’s facial expressions( almost as unfettered as he is in the Pet Shop Boys Always on my Mind video, and about as suble), when he doesn’t like someone, when he’s raping Hurley, very unconvincingly, and C. Thomas Howell’s jacket that looks like a Starsky and Hutch reject. Howell is supposed to be the cool American, but his look(Faith era George Michael spliced with 1993 circa John Bon Jovi), is so dated he might as well be preserved in amber. It was probably dated by the time the film came out, or rather escaped. There is a brief hope of a kickstart from a camp beyond the call of duty Jeremy Brett, but he’s not used nearly enough and has no real good lines to sink his teeth into. In the lexicon of drugs movies, if Trainspotting is Citizen Kane, then this is Police Academy 6, and I may be being generous. 1/10 for Hurley’s breasts.

Dead in the Water

Jaws The Revenge Review

Starting with a concept so flawed , so illogical, as a shark wanting revenge, pretty much anything is acceptable after this, from the opening scenes of the shark setting a trap with a log for Sean Brody(shades of Loony Tunes Road Runner and Willie Coyote), to exploding for no reason when a boat hits it at the end. Throw in other plot irrationals such as the shark tracking the Brody family to the Bahamas, and managing to get there before them, homing in on Mike Brody’s whereabouts like a heat seeking missile, managing numerous disappearing acts, Michael Caine surviving, Mario Van Peebles surviving even more gallingly, it makes this Jaws seemingly more toothless in more ways than one. To add insult to injury throughout there are clips and references to the original, with Ellen having flashbacks to things she didn’t even experience, and badly remade classic moments like Brody and son at the dinner table. The shark seems to have an average speed of 2mph, and is still roaring( an unattractive and impossible characteristic it picked up in Jaws 3). Luckily for us there was no Jaws 5 which at the rate the series was going would have probably ended up with an incredibly intelligent shark flying through space, and badly scaring but not eating anyone…very…very…slowly. 1/10

If you go down to the farm today…

Isolation(2005) Review

This low budget English horror movie went totally under my radar, but turns out to be a hidden gem. The reason I probably missed it is that the description of it sounds so ridiculous I probably dismissed it out of hand. A genetically mutated cow placenta goes on a slashing rampage of death and contamination on a deserted farm, only the farmer, a misguided scientist and two squatting travelers can stop it. It sounds like it would make a good double-bill with the jokey Peter Jacksonish Bad Sheep. Sitting down to watch it, I certainly didn’t expect one of the scariest horror films England has produced in the last five years. At the moment, like France and Spain, we are producing some pretty consistently nerve-shredding horrors like The Children, The Descent and Eden Lake, which this shares its feeling of drip fed dread with. There is also that wonderful tipping point missing from a lot of Hollywood horror films of characters having a good reason to stay in the area once things start happening, a brief time when we the audience know, and they the characters could cut and run, and an ending where there is a good reason they have to stay/sacrifice themselves, in this case to stop the contamination from spreading to the outside world.
Before we even see anything wrong, and the effects and gore when they do come, are so well done that we don’t feel cheated by their five minutes of screen time, the farm is incredibly intimidating. Later, its interiors, dark crawlspaces and deep, bubbling slurry pit and dirty ominous puddles, is just as effective as the Nostromo spacecraft in Alien, or Antarctica base in The Thing, as a ‘dark basement,’ to act as the creature’s lair. The film owes a debt to both of these, plus Aliens, The Blob, and the recent Splinter, and deserves accolades simply for producing an original monster. However, the reason the film works is that using a small cast( 6 people, and only 4 have major roles), and an enclosed location, the film spends time on characters and then proceeds to ratchet up suspense. All the actors are great with believable motivations and backstories, there are no simple heroes or mad scientists here, and even the ending is left ambiguous. As previously mentioned, for the budget, the special effects are great, as is the wonderfully doom laden score. This film took a ridiculous premise and not only made you believe it but made you genuinely scared by it. Excellent job by all involved. 9/10

Star Trek (2009) Review

2. Star Trek (2009) Review

So after the doom and gloom of ZPG, you can’t get much further along the optimistic spectrum than Star Trek. As you probably know by now, myself and young Dave went to see a new print of Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn at the Alamo South last night(Monday 6th April), and ended up seeing not just the new movie before anyone else in the world, but also the guvnor himself, Leonard Nimoy in person, and got some free popcorn. Anyway, many people have reported on the actual happenings that night, and many reviews have already spewed out. I’ve tried not to read any before doing this to keep my own opinion as virginal as possible, and am purposely staying as far away from mentioning spoilers as I can, as I realize most people won’t be seeing this for a month.

So was it better than Kahn? Well, no. But here is the thing, it was easily the best Trek film since First Contact and also arguably beats the Next Generations finest hour, plus the originals crews parts 4 and 6( Voyage Home, and Undiscovered Country), into second place in my opinion. This is already very impressive, but added to this fact is that now and again it also showed the potential to rival Kahn. All that separated it in my opinion is that Kahn had a great story arc with no fat on it, no waste. Everyone in that movie served a purpose, from the regulars- Spock’s sacrifice, Chekov’s duplicity, to the newcomers, David’s anger at his father, Saavik’s tutoring in how a real crew operate, and of course Kahns’s desire for revenge. The new film didn’t have this, but it had some great moments, and threatens a potentially awesome sequel. This was a revamp of a tiring/dying franchise the same as Batman Begins and Casino Royale served theirs. And if Star Trek can produce sequels that stay the course like Batman and Bond have managed then we may be looking at a good 5-10 year run of classic Trek movies.
For a start the opening was one of the most tragic but heroic moments in Trek history and almost makes the rest of the film play catch up in the emotional stakes. The set up of the characters ranges from the sublime- Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, to the clunky but still fun, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty. Originally when I heard that a young cast was going to fill these iconic roles I thought it would be a no win situation, rather like Gene Roddenberry’s mid- 70s idea of cadet era Star Trek that continued to pop up every time someone thought the original crew were getting too old/expensive in the following decade. It smacked of a desperation to appeal to ‘the kids,’ and also of the present love of prequels, whether necessary or not, and sounded more Butch and Sundance the Early Years, than Revenge of the Sith. Of course the problem with prequels is that straight away you know who is going to live or die, but this new film avoids this and sets up infinite future possiblilities in a very clever way. Also, I should have had more faith in J.J. Abrams, the cast are very well picked, not for their impersonations of the original actors but rather to remind us why we liked those characters in the first place. Spock and McCoy are almost spot on in this regard, while Kirk, Sulu, Chekov and Uhura are pretty damn good. The only one who falls short in my opinion, and it pains me to say this, is Simon Pegg as Scotty who seems to be playing it too broadly for comedy. When I think of Scotty, it’s amusing but more for his grumbled mutterings, but his strongest moments in the canon were his dramatic ones, think of his reaction to his nephew’s death in Kahn. It probably doesn’t help that some of the albeit minor flaws, appear when this character is around as well.
Basically I am nit picking for things that don’t work as I think the film is 90% successful. However for me while the tone was pretty consistent, every now and again it seemed to slip into worrying slapstick, which felt out of place, It’s great to see the Kobayashi Maru test, but Kirk’s overplayed nonchalance in this made me long for what a more sneakily devious Shatner might have made of it, Kirk’s hands and tongue, Scotty in the tube, or ,worryingly like Lucas at this worst, Scotty’s little Ewok mate. Along with these was Kirk’s slightly unbelievable promotion from suspended candidate to first officer, Spock leaving the captain’s chair open( yes, Kirk often did it but not this blatantly) to beam down to Vulcan, Scotty seemingly taking over the engine room after only just arriving on the Enterprise unannounced, and Chekov’s sudden brilliance at being able to beam people up. Even nice little homages to the series were sometimes slightly overdone. Sulu’s comment that his weapon’s training consist of fencing is great, but then when he produces a sword during a fight scene, it threatens to tip into cheesy. The other main flaw is that Eric Bana’s villain at least for me on a first viewing has a muddied reason for his actions, unlike ironically Khan’s, cut straight to the bone, reasoning. I still don’t know where Eric Bana’s Nero has been for 25 years not to be spotted by Starfleet- wouldn’t they have hunted him down after the U.S.S. Kelvin, and why he waited that long, to start his main plan, just so he could torment the older Spock.
However, if the movie doesn’t measure up to Kahn, and is probably unwise to ape it so much( the slug scene), like I say, there is more than enough good stuff for it to win out. It looks absolutely beautiful and the money is all on the screen- no repeated shots of Klingon warbirds from previous movies here. It looks retro but also cutting edge, the action scenes and fights are great and thankfully these days, not over-edited and the old timers of Cross, Ryder and of course Nimoy are perfect. I feel very lucky to have seen it under these circumstances with a great loyal Trek audience, can’t wait to see it at least one more time in the theatre and am really looking forward to the sequels. 9/10

1. ZPG (Zero Population Growth) Review

Two very different views of the future
1. ZPG (Zero Population Growth) Review

This pretty much lost science fiction movie from the early 70s was just exhumed last year by Legend productions for a dvd release, as they pick through the vaults for lost( some for a good reason) movies. It caught my interest mainly for the presence of Oliver Reed whose always good value for money even when he’s slumming it which lets be honest, quite often he was. In ZPG he isn’t though, although he is uncharacteristically low key, although in typical Reed fashion he still looks ready to punch someone in the face at the slightest prevarication. The film this most reminded me of was Silent Running in its themes of man coping badly in the future with the damage his 20th century counterpart did to the planet, although it is also the flip version of Children of Men, and would make a great double bill, their endings are also curiously similar with small manned boats on the ocean. In that movie, the world has become sterile and is preparing itself to dying out. In ZPG having children is made illegal at the film’s start because of chronic overpopulation- ‘hello, China,’ with any transgressers being terminated. Needless to say after shopping for some very creepy artificial children who look like Chucky prototypes, Geraldine Chaplin, Reed’s wife gets pregnant and decides not to use the arbortmatron which seems like a prop turned down from Woody Allen’s Sleeper. The rest of the film deals with them trying to keep the baby a secret, and when they’re neighbours and former best friends find out, being blackmailed into sharing the child. I enjoyed the movie, which also brought up memories of Soylent Green and Rollerball( the original not the terrible remake), and even The Omega Man’s Woodstock scene, with people in a cinema salivating at pictures of real food, even as the narrator berates the gluttony of the 1970s. Infact, Charlton Heston sci-fi movies score a hat-trick of references with the final shot on a beach very reminiscent of Planet of the Apes, but at least we get a happy ending in this case which you feel not only the characters, but the audience has earned. However, this film is definitely not for those suffering from an attention defecit as it moves very slowly and also cleverly gets around its budget by having everything clouded in a fog of pollution, so three actors and lots of voice-over can represent a crowd, and cover up any unfuturistic sets. The actors are fine although I found myself getting increasingly irritated with the behaviour of Chaplin, as first of all she mopes about not having a child, then having to have it in secrecy, then not being able to see a doctor etc. Reed shows great self-control in not punching her in the face after he’s suffered her whims and mood swings for months, most of which seem unintentionally designed to get them both executed. The ending is also too easy, although a certain amount of suspense builds between the power struggle of the two couples, with 70s stalwart Don Gordon regressing from amiable friend, to bully, to broken loser within a few scenes, and Diane Cilento(ex- Mrs Sean Connery) as his Lady Macbeth like wife who starts all the trouble in her desperation to be a mother. Indeed, along with Inside, this is probably not a good film to show a pregnant or new mother as I’m sure their maternal instinct will either get very upset or angry. Anyway, I enjoyed it, in a good for a wet Sunday afternoon way, and no film where everyone is wearing grey Logan’s Run body suits and huge medallions can be all bad, but I doubt I’ll watch it again for five years. 6/10